THIS is why Terrorism happens... because it WORKS!

The reason that terrorists "terrorize" is to create fear in the societies of their victims (hence the "terror" part!!) When we give in to that fear and change the way we do things, the terrorists have accomplished their goal. Case in point...

If you caught Wednesday's episode of "South Park", you probably noticed all the bleeps that were installed to censor the word "Muhammad." Comedy Central made the decision just prior to airing the episode, after receiving a "warning" from a radical Muslim group based in Brooklyn. The group had posted a message on their website saying, quote, "what [creators TREY PARKER and MATT STONE] are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show." (Van Gogh was a Dutch filmmaker who was murdered six years ago for questioning Islam's views of women.)

It continued, quote, "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Parker and Stone were not cool with the censorship . . . and probably don't care if they offend anyone, since they've never had a problem offending ANYONE of any political, racial or religious denomination.In a message posted on their SouthParkStudios site, Parker and Stone sound annoyed with Comedy Central's decision.

It reads, quote, "In the 14 years we've been doing 'South Park' we have never done a show that we couldn't stand behind. We delivered our version of the show to Comedy Central and they made a determination to alter the episode. It wasn't some meta-joke on our part. Comedy Central added the bleeps. In fact, Kyle's customary final speech was about intimidation and fear. It didn't mention Muhammad at all but it got bleeped too. We'll be back next week with a whole new show about something completely different and we'll see what happens to it."

In a separate statement, they added, quote, "We do not have network approval to stream our original version of the show. We will bring you a version of [the episode] as soon as we can."

A Comedy Central spokesperson confirmed that it was the network's decision to censor the episode . . . but beyond that, there's been no further comment.

THIS is what happened to the art of conversation...

According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, TEXT MESSAGING has officially taken over as the most popular form of communication for teens... more popular than phone calls, instant messaging, and even talking face-to-face.

Overall, teen girls between the ages of 12 and 17 send an average of 80 texts a day, while boys send an average of 30 texts a day. And ONE in THREE teens sends more than 100 texts a day on average. In fact, texting has become such a part of their lives that 87% of teens even sleep with their phone.

By the way... in case you forgot or you just don't care, researchers at Virginia Tech University found last year that drivers who text while driving are 23 times more likely to crash than those who aren't distracted. And another study from "Car and Driver" magazine found that when drivers text at the wheel, their reaction times are slowed by 35%. But, when drivers are high, their reaction times are slowed by "just" 21%. And when they're at the legal blood-alcohol limit of 0.08, their reaction times are slowed by 12%.

In other words, driving while texting is actually more dangerous than driving while baked, and it's nearly three times more dangerous than driving with a little alcohol buzz.

Deep down, you just KNEW this was the case, didn't you?

We always kinda knew those quiet smart chicks were secretly FREAKY, but HERE'S the PROOF!!! In 1992, a guy named Will Manley conducted a tongue-in-cheek survey about LIBRARIANS and SEX for a trade magazine called the "Wilson Library Bulletin". He randomly posted the survey on his blog two Sundays ago, and it's been popping up all over the Internet ever since. Here's what it found... (and remember, this was 1992... nearly 20 years ago...)

--51% of librarians say they'd have posed nude for money.

--61% admitted they'd rented an X-rated movie.

--63% had sex in a car.

--91% had read "The Joy of Sex".

--And overall, ONE in FIVE librarians admitted they'd done the nasty between the stacks...

....there's a "book worm" joke there somewhere...

How to become an "Expert"...

In this media-rich society we live in, it's easy enough to set yourself up as an expert on just about anything... all you have to do is say you are, give an opinion on the subject, and maybe write a book.... case in point....

Elizabeth Semmelhack is the author of a book called "Heights of Fashion: A History of the Elevated Shoe", and, accordingly, is something of an "expert" in "fashionomics". In her book, she points out that during economic recessions, women tend to wear HIGHER HEELS.

According to Elizabeth, it happened during the Great Depression, during the oil crisis of the 1970s and after the dot-com bubble burst in 2000. And she says the same thing is happening right now. Or as Elizabeth puts it, quote, "We have entered a moment of heightened impracticality in footwear."

So you know, it's not entirely clear why recessions seem to cause women to wear higher heels. But Elizabeth thinks it's due to, quote, "a greater need for escapism."

So, to recap... to become an "expert", just go ahead and make s**t up... if it sounds like it has ANY logical merit whatsoever (or not), you're good to go...

Fun with Foreign Crime...

I have TWO interesting crime stories for you this morning...

STORY #1...
The data for this first story comes from Australia, and I have no idea if the results would be similar here. But it'd be interesting to find out.

According to the New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, there's nearly SIX TIMES more crime in churches and other "places of worship" there than in their strip clubs, brothels, and casinos.

In 2008, 1,600 people were charged with committing 27 different types of crimes . . . including assault, sexual assault, robbery, and drug possession . . . in Australia's places of worship. Meanwhile, in strip clubs and other adult entertainment venues, just 282 people were charged with crimes.

According to a government spokesman, "Most people would think of churches and synagogues as sanctuaries in society. But maybe that's naive, because the statistics show they are likely to rob, assault or steal from people there like anywhere else. The figures are genuinely surprising."


STORY #2...
We all know 'The Man' is evil. But even so, the next time you find yourself complaining about the government, I want you to stop and think about this: In China, you can get up to five years in prison for having GROUP SEX.

I'm not making this up. Group sex was officially banned in 1997, and it's defined as consensual sex between three or more adults. That means it even includes threesomes. I bring it up because last August, police in southern China busted a swingers club in the middle of an orgy. 22 people were arrested, and now they're all looking at serious prison time. A 53-year-old guy named Ma started the club. And he admits the people there met regularly to exchange bodily fluids. But now... curiously... he sees the error of his ways.

Ma NOW says, "I can be educated and change my ways, but those who refuse to fix their behavior despite repeated admonition should be severely punished." The case goes to trial tomorrow.

One for Ms Taylor...

Elizabeth Taylor announced that she's getting married for the NINTH time. And though we're sure this one's a keeper, in her honor we present today's list of the...

TOP 5 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED WAY TOO MANY TIMES...

#5 --All of your exes can fill up Texas.

#4 --Your towels are marked "His" and "Whoever's."

#3 --You have the words "Yes, Dear" tattooed on your forehead.

#2 -- Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Tiki Barber have all questioned your respect for the institution.

And the NUMBER ONE sign you've been married WAYYY too many times?...

Your name's Jim, and your divorce lawyer's yacht is called the "S.S. Thanks, Jim!"

Ummmmm.... ?

I just don't know how to feel about this...

Iron Man 2 trailer...

LOVED the original... cannot WAIT for the sequel...

LOVE this guy....

Maricopa County, Arizona, is one of the most populated counties in the U.S. It includes Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale. And depending who you ask, Sheriff Joe Arpaio is either the best thing or the worst thing ever to happen to it.

You may have heard of Sheriff Joe before. In 1993, he opened a prison where all the inmates are forced to live in tents. He's also been in the news for making prisoners wear pink underwear. It's demeaning, and it keeps them from trying to steal it when they get out. And just last December, six inmates filed lawsuits against Sheriff Joe for piping holiday music through the jail loudspeakers 12 hours a day.

Anyway, Sheriff Joe unveiled his latest tactic in the fight on crime at a women's prison last week; it's something he calls "Pedal Vision." Basically, Sheriff Joe decided too many inmates were overweight. So now if they want to watch TV, they have to pedal a stationary bike to power it. The bike generates 12 volts of electricity, and an hour of pedaling equals an hour of TV viewing. (You'll notice in the picture, Sheriff Joe ALSO makes the inmates wear the old-school STRIPES!!! is there NO END to this man's SHEER AWESOMENESS?!?!)

Sheriff Joe says, quote, "We're going to do the best we can in our jail system to help the inmates lose weight, and at the same time, give them the luxury of watching whatever they want to watch on television."

LOVE this guy... unfortunately, if he were in Canada, Jack Layton would be trying to have him fired for some sort of violation of the prisoners' human rights...

AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA...

AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA Axl Rose... hehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! HAHAHAHA... HEHEHEHEHEHEHE... you wiped out.... HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! hehe.. he...

...well, at least he did laugh it off, as opposed to get all pissy and walk offstage like I would have expected him to...

Daddy's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Skank-Bags...

Yesterday, the "New York Post" ran a hard-hitting story about this year's most popular prom dress fashions. According to the article, the hot new look is something called "slutty chic." It means pretty much what you think: Dresses that show lots of cleavage, are super short, skin-tight, and maybe leopard print. --The writer for the "Post" describes it as, quote, "dressing like an extra from MTV's 'Jersey Shore'." That's pretty dead-on, if you take THESE as examples...

Believe me, guys... I'm not trying to make this Dad thing any more stressful than it already is... I just thought you should know what you got yourself into when you agreed to take your daughter shopping for her prom dress... tougher and tougher being a Dad nowadays...