Fun with Foreign Crime...

I have TWO interesting crime stories for you this morning...

STORY #1...
The data for this first story comes from Australia, and I have no idea if the results would be similar here. But it'd be interesting to find out.

According to the New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, there's nearly SIX TIMES more crime in churches and other "places of worship" there than in their strip clubs, brothels, and casinos.

In 2008, 1,600 people were charged with committing 27 different types of crimes . . . including assault, sexual assault, robbery, and drug possession . . . in Australia's places of worship. Meanwhile, in strip clubs and other adult entertainment venues, just 282 people were charged with crimes.

According to a government spokesman, "Most people would think of churches and synagogues as sanctuaries in society. But maybe that's naive, because the statistics show they are likely to rob, assault or steal from people there like anywhere else. The figures are genuinely surprising."


STORY #2...
We all know 'The Man' is evil. But even so, the next time you find yourself complaining about the government, I want you to stop and think about this: In China, you can get up to five years in prison for having GROUP SEX.

I'm not making this up. Group sex was officially banned in 1997, and it's defined as consensual sex between three or more adults. That means it even includes threesomes. I bring it up because last August, police in southern China busted a swingers club in the middle of an orgy. 22 people were arrested, and now they're all looking at serious prison time. A 53-year-old guy named Ma started the club. And he admits the people there met regularly to exchange bodily fluids. But now... curiously... he sees the error of his ways.

Ma NOW says, "I can be educated and change my ways, but those who refuse to fix their behavior despite repeated admonition should be severely punished." The case goes to trial tomorrow.

One for Ms Taylor...

Elizabeth Taylor announced that she's getting married for the NINTH time. And though we're sure this one's a keeper, in her honor we present today's list of the...

TOP 5 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED WAY TOO MANY TIMES...

#5 --All of your exes can fill up Texas.

#4 --Your towels are marked "His" and "Whoever's."

#3 --You have the words "Yes, Dear" tattooed on your forehead.

#2 -- Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Tiki Barber have all questioned your respect for the institution.

And the NUMBER ONE sign you've been married WAYYY too many times?...

Your name's Jim, and your divorce lawyer's yacht is called the "S.S. Thanks, Jim!"

Ummmmm.... ?

I just don't know how to feel about this...

Iron Man 2 trailer...

LOVED the original... cannot WAIT for the sequel...

LOVE this guy....

Maricopa County, Arizona, is one of the most populated counties in the U.S. It includes Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale. And depending who you ask, Sheriff Joe Arpaio is either the best thing or the worst thing ever to happen to it.

You may have heard of Sheriff Joe before. In 1993, he opened a prison where all the inmates are forced to live in tents. He's also been in the news for making prisoners wear pink underwear. It's demeaning, and it keeps them from trying to steal it when they get out. And just last December, six inmates filed lawsuits against Sheriff Joe for piping holiday music through the jail loudspeakers 12 hours a day.

Anyway, Sheriff Joe unveiled his latest tactic in the fight on crime at a women's prison last week; it's something he calls "Pedal Vision." Basically, Sheriff Joe decided too many inmates were overweight. So now if they want to watch TV, they have to pedal a stationary bike to power it. The bike generates 12 volts of electricity, and an hour of pedaling equals an hour of TV viewing. (You'll notice in the picture, Sheriff Joe ALSO makes the inmates wear the old-school STRIPES!!! is there NO END to this man's SHEER AWESOMENESS?!?!)

Sheriff Joe says, quote, "We're going to do the best we can in our jail system to help the inmates lose weight, and at the same time, give them the luxury of watching whatever they want to watch on television."

LOVE this guy... unfortunately, if he were in Canada, Jack Layton would be trying to have him fired for some sort of violation of the prisoners' human rights...

AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA...

AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA Axl Rose... hehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! HAHAHAHA... HEHEHEHEHEHEHE... you wiped out.... HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! hehe.. he...

...well, at least he did laugh it off, as opposed to get all pissy and walk offstage like I would have expected him to...

Daddy's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Skank-Bags...

Yesterday, the "New York Post" ran a hard-hitting story about this year's most popular prom dress fashions. According to the article, the hot new look is something called "slutty chic." It means pretty much what you think: Dresses that show lots of cleavage, are super short, skin-tight, and maybe leopard print. --The writer for the "Post" describes it as, quote, "dressing like an extra from MTV's 'Jersey Shore'." That's pretty dead-on, if you take THESE as examples...

Believe me, guys... I'm not trying to make this Dad thing any more stressful than it already is... I just thought you should know what you got yourself into when you agreed to take your daughter shopping for her prom dress... tougher and tougher being a Dad nowadays...