ADAM SANDLER'S production company is trying to turn a YouTube video into a feature film. The video shows pixilated characters from old video games attacking New York City and taking over the world... enjoy...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Some "Carnac" Jokes for you this morning...
The Answer: A recovery and awful music.
The Question: Name two things Bret Michaels is going to make.
The Answer: Jay Leno at the White House Correspondents' Dinner and whoever tried to set off that explosion in Times Square.
The Question: Name someone who bombed over the weekend, and someone who didn't.
The Answer: The Times Square bomb and Steven Seagal.
The Question: Name two things described as "crude."
The Answer: A West Virginia mine and Paris Hilton.
The Question: Name two things that are risky to be in without proper protection.
The Answer: 15 pounds and his trousers.
The Question: Name two things Bill Clinton will drop before Chelsea's wedding.
The Answer: ICU.
The Question: Where do Eskimos go to college?
The Question: Name two things Bret Michaels is going to make.
The Answer: Jay Leno at the White House Correspondents' Dinner and whoever tried to set off that explosion in Times Square.
The Question: Name someone who bombed over the weekend, and someone who didn't.
The Answer: The Times Square bomb and Steven Seagal.
The Question: Name two things described as "crude."
The Answer: A West Virginia mine and Paris Hilton.
The Question: Name two things that are risky to be in without proper protection.
The Answer: 15 pounds and his trousers.
The Question: Name two things Bill Clinton will drop before Chelsea's wedding.
The Answer: ICU.
The Question: Where do Eskimos go to college?
Friday, April 23, 2010
THIS is why Terrorism happens... because it WORKS!
The reason that terrorists "terrorize" is to create fear in the societies of their victims (hence the "terror" part!!) When we give in to that fear and change the way we do things, the terrorists have accomplished their goal. Case in point...
If you caught Wednesday's episode of "South Park", you probably noticed all the bleeps that were installed to censor the word "Muhammad." Comedy Central made the decision just prior to airing the episode, after receiving a "warning" from a radical Muslim group based in Brooklyn. The group had posted a message on
their website saying, quote, "what [creators TREY PARKER and MATT STONE] are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show." (Van Gogh was a Dutch filmmaker who was murdered six years ago for questioning Islam's views of women.)
It continued, quote, "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Parker and Stone were not cool with the censorship . . . and probably don't care if they offend anyone, since they've never had a problem offending ANYONE of any political, racial or religious denomination.In a message posted on their SouthParkStudios site, Parker and Stone sound annoyed with Comedy Central's decision.
It reads, quote, "In the 14 years we've been doing 'South Park' we have never done a show that we couldn't stand behind. We delivered our version of the show to Comedy Central and they made a determination to alter the episode. It wasn't some meta-joke on our part. Comedy Central added the bleeps. In fact, Kyle's customary final speech was about intimidation and fear. It didn't mention Muhammad at all but it got bleeped too. We'll be back next week with a whole new show about something completely different and we'll see what happens to it."
In a separate statement, they added, quote, "We do not have network approval to stream our original version of the show. We will bring you a version of [the episode] as soon as we can."
A Comedy Central spokesperson confirmed that it was the network's decision to censor the episode . . . but beyond that, there's been no further comment.
If you caught Wednesday's episode of "South Park", you probably noticed all the bleeps that were installed to censor the word "Muhammad." Comedy Central made the decision just prior to airing the episode, after receiving a "warning" from a radical Muslim group based in Brooklyn. The group had posted a message on
their website saying, quote, "what [creators TREY PARKER and MATT STONE] are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show." (Van Gogh was a Dutch filmmaker who was murdered six years ago for questioning Islam's views of women.)It continued, quote, "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Parker and Stone were not cool with the censorship . . . and probably don't care if they offend anyone, since they've never had a problem offending ANYONE of any political, racial or religious denomination.In a message posted on their SouthParkStudios site, Parker and Stone sound annoyed with Comedy Central's decision.
It reads, quote, "In the 14 years we've been doing 'South Park' we have never done a show that we couldn't stand behind. We delivered our version of the show to Comedy Central and they made a determination to alter the episode. It wasn't some meta-joke on our part. Comedy Central added the bleeps. In fact, Kyle's customary final speech was about intimidation and fear. It didn't mention Muhammad at all but it got bleeped too. We'll be back next week with a whole new show about something completely different and we'll see what happens to it."
In a separate statement, they added, quote, "We do not have network approval to stream our original version of the show. We will bring you a version of [the episode] as soon as we can."
A Comedy Central spokesperson confirmed that it was the network's decision to censor the episode . . . but beyond that, there's been no further comment.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
THIS is what happened to the art of conversation...
According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, TEXT MESSAGING has officially taken over as the most popular form of communication for teens... more popular than phone calls, instant messaging, and even talking face-to-face.
Overall, teen girls between the ages of 12 and 17 send an average of 80 texts a day, while boys send an average of 30 texts a day. And ONE in THREE teens sends more than 100 texts a day on average. In fact, texting has become such a part of their lives that 87% of teens even sleep with their phone.
By the way... in case you forgot or you just don't care, researchers at Virginia Tech University found last year that drivers who text while driving are 23 times more likely to crash than those who aren't distracted. And another study from "Car and Driver" magazine found that when drivers text at the wheel, their reaction times are slowed by 35%. But, when drivers are high, their reaction times are slowed by "just" 21%. And when they're at the legal blood-alcohol limit of 0.08, their reaction times are slowed by 12%.
In other words, driving while texting is actually more dangerous than driving while baked, and it's nearly three times more dangerous than driving with a little alcohol buzz.
Overall, teen girls between the ages of 12 and 17 send an average of 80 texts a day, while boys send an average of 30 texts a day. And ONE in THREE teens sends more than 100 texts a day on average. In fact, texting has become such a part of their lives that 87% of teens even sleep with their phone.
By the way... in case you forgot or you just don't care, researchers at Virginia Tech University found last year that drivers who text while driving are 23 times more likely to crash than those who aren't distracted. And another study from "Car and Driver" magazine found that when drivers text at the wheel, their reaction times are slowed by 35%. But, when drivers are high, their reaction times are slowed by "just" 21%. And when they're at the legal blood-alcohol limit of 0.08, their reaction times are slowed by 12%.
In other words, driving while texting is actually more dangerous than driving while baked, and it's nearly three times more dangerous than driving with a little alcohol buzz.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Deep down, you just KNEW this was the case, didn't you?
We always kinda knew those quiet smart chicks were secretly FREAKY, but HERE'S the PROOF!!! In 1992, a guy named Will Manley conducted a tongue-in-cheek survey about 
LIBRARIANS and SEX for a trade magazine called the "Wilson Library Bulletin". He randomly posted the survey on his blog two Sundays ago, and it's been popping up all over the Internet ever since. Here's what it found... (and remember, this was 1992... nearly 20 years ago...)
--51% of librarians say they'd have posed nude for money.
--61% admitted they'd rented an X-rated movie.
--63% had sex in a car.
--91% had read "The Joy of Sex".
--And overall, ONE in FIVE librarians admitted they'd done the nasty between the stacks...
....there's a "book worm" joke there somewhere...
LIBRARIANS and SEX for a trade magazine called the "Wilson Library Bulletin". He randomly posted the survey on his blog two Sundays ago, and it's been popping up all over the Internet ever since. Here's what it found... (and remember, this was 1992... nearly 20 years ago...)--51% of librarians say they'd have posed nude for money.
--61% admitted they'd rented an X-rated movie.
--63% had sex in a car.
--91% had read "The Joy of Sex".
--And overall, ONE in FIVE librarians admitted they'd done the nasty between the stacks...
....there's a "book worm" joke there somewhere...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
How to become an "Expert"...
In this media-rich society we live in, it's easy enough to set yourself up as an expert on just about anything... all you have to do is say you are, give an opinion on the subject, and maybe write a book.... case in point....
Elizabeth Semmelhack is the author of a book called "Heights of Fashion: A History of the Elevated Shoe", and, accordingly, is something of an "expert" in "fashionomics". In her book, she points out that during economic recessions, women tend to wear HIGHER HEELS.
According to Elizabeth, it happened during the Great Depression, during the oil crisis of the 1970s and after the dot-com bubble burst in 2000. And she says the same thing is happening right now. Or as Elizabeth puts it, quote, "We have entered a moment of heightened impracticality in footwear."
So you know, it's not entirely clear why recessions seem to cause women to wear higher heels. But Elizabeth thinks it's due to, quote, "a greater need for escapism."
So, to recap... to become an "expert", just go ahead and make s**t up... if it sounds like it has ANY logical merit whatsoever (or not), you're good to go...
Elizabeth Semmelhack is the author of a book called "Heights of Fashion: A History of the Elevated Shoe", and, accordingly, is something of an "expert" in "fashionomics". In her book, she points out that during economic recessions, women tend to wear HIGHER HEELS.
According to Elizabeth, it happened during the Great Depression, during the oil crisis of the 1970s and after the dot-com bubble burst in 2000. And she says the same thing is happening right now. Or as Elizabeth puts it, quote, "We have entered a moment of heightened impracticality in footwear."
So you know, it's not entirely clear why recessions seem to cause women to wear higher heels. But Elizabeth thinks it's due to, quote, "a greater need for escapism."
So, to recap... to become an "expert", just go ahead and make s**t up... if it sounds like it has ANY logical merit whatsoever (or not), you're good to go...
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fun with Foreign Crime...
I have TWO interesting crime stories for you this morning...
STORY #1...
The data for this first story comes from Australia, and I have no idea if the results would be similar here. But it'd be interesting to find out.
According to the New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, there's nearly SIX TIMES more crime in churches and other "places of worship" there than in their strip clubs, brothels, and casinos.
In 2008, 1,600 people were charged with committing 27 different types of crimes . . . including assault, sexual assault, robbery, and drug possession . . . in Australia's places of worship. Meanwhile, in strip clubs and other adult entertainment venues, just 282 people were charged with crimes.
According to a government spokesman, "Most people would think of churches and synagogues as sanctuaries in society. But maybe that's naive, because the statistics show they are likely to rob, assault or steal from people there like anywhere else. The figures are genuinely surprising."
STORY #2...
We all know 'The Man' is evil. But even so, the next time you find yourself complaining about the government, I want you to stop and think about this: In China, you can get up to five years in prison for having GROUP SEX.
I'm not making this up. Group sex was officially banned in 1997, and it's defined as consensual sex between three or more adults. That means it even includes threesomes. I bring it up because last August, police in southern China busted a swingers club in the middle of an orgy. 22 people were arrested, and now they're all looking at serious prison time. A 53-year-old guy named Ma started the club. And he admits the people there met regularly to exchange bodily fluids. But now... curiously... he sees the error of his ways.
Ma NOW says, "I can be educated and change my ways, but those who refuse to fix their behavior despite repeated admonition should be severely punished." The case goes to trial tomorrow.
STORY #1...
The data for this first story comes from Australia, and I have no idea if the results would be similar here. But it'd be interesting to find out.
According to the New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, there's nearly SIX TIMES more crime in churches and other "places of worship" there than in their strip clubs, brothels, and casinos.
In 2008, 1,600 people were charged with committing 27 different types of crimes . . . including assault, sexual assault, robbery, and drug possession . . . in Australia's places of worship. Meanwhile, in strip clubs and other adult entertainment venues, just 282 people were charged with crimes.
According to a government spokesman, "Most people would think of churches and synagogues as sanctuaries in society. But maybe that's naive, because the statistics show they are likely to rob, assault or steal from people there like anywhere else. The figures are genuinely surprising."
STORY #2...
We all know 'The Man' is evil. But even so, the next time you find yourself complaining about the government, I want you to stop and think about this: In China, you can get up to five years in prison for having GROUP SEX.
I'm not making this up. Group sex was officially banned in 1997, and it's defined as consensual sex between three or more adults. That means it even includes threesomes. I bring it up because last August, police in southern China busted a swingers club in the middle of an orgy. 22 people were arrested, and now they're all looking at serious prison time. A 53-year-old guy named Ma started the club. And he admits the people there met regularly to exchange bodily fluids. But now... curiously... he sees the error of his ways.
Ma NOW says, "I can be educated and change my ways, but those who refuse to fix their behavior despite repeated admonition should be severely punished." The case goes to trial tomorrow.
Monday, April 12, 2010
One for Ms Taylor...
Elizabeth Taylor announced that she's getting married for the NINTH time. And though we're sure this one's a keeper, in her honor we present today's list of the...
TOP 5 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED WAY TOO MANY TIMES...
#5 --All of your exes can fill up Texas.
#4 --Your towels are marked "His" and "Whoever's."
#3 --You have the words "Yes, Dear" tattooed on your forehead.
#2 -- Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Tiki Barber have all questioned your respect for the institution.
And the NUMBER ONE sign you've been married WAYYY too many times?...
Your name's Jim, and your divorce lawyer's yacht is called the "S.S. Thanks, Jim!"
TOP 5 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED WAY TOO MANY TIMES...
#5 --All of your exes can fill up Texas.
#4 --Your towels are marked "His" and "Whoever's."
#3 --You have the words "Yes, Dear" tattooed on your forehead.
#2 -- Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Tiki Barber have all questioned your respect for the institution.
And the NUMBER ONE sign you've been married WAYYY too many times?...
Your name's Jim, and your divorce lawyer's yacht is called the "S.S. Thanks, Jim!"
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
LOVE this guy....
Maricopa County, Arizona, is one of the most populated counties in the U.S. It includes Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale. And depending who you ask, Sheriff Joe Arpaio is either the best thing or the worst thing ever to happen to it.
You may have heard of Sheriff Joe before. In 1993, he opened a prison where all the inmates are forced to live in tents. He's also been in the news for making prisoners wear pink underwear. It's demeaning, and it keeps them from trying to steal it when they get out. And just last December, six inmates filed lawsuits against Sheriff Joe for piping holiday music through the jail loudspeakers 12 hours a day.
Anyway, Sheriff Joe unveiled his latest tactic in the fight on crime at a women's prison last week; it's something he calls "Pedal Vision." Basically, Sheriff Joe decided too many inmates were
overweight. So now if they want to watch TV, they have to pedal a stationary bike to power it. The bike generates 12 volts of electricity, and an hour of pedaling equals an hour of TV viewing. (You'll notice in the picture, Sheriff Joe ALSO makes the inmates wear the old-school STRIPES!!! is there NO END to this man's SHEER AWESOMENESS?!?!)
Sheriff Joe says, quote, "We're going to do the best we can in our jail system to help the inmates lose weight, and at the same time, give them the luxury of watching whatever they want to watch on television."
LOVE this guy... unfortunately, if he were in Canada, Jack Layton would be trying to have him fired for some sort of violation of the prisoners' human rights...
You may have heard of Sheriff Joe before. In 1993, he opened a prison where all the inmates are forced to live in tents. He's also been in the news for making prisoners wear pink underwear. It's demeaning, and it keeps them from trying to steal it when they get out. And just last December, six inmates filed lawsuits against Sheriff Joe for piping holiday music through the jail loudspeakers 12 hours a day.
Anyway, Sheriff Joe unveiled his latest tactic in the fight on crime at a women's prison last week; it's something he calls "Pedal Vision." Basically, Sheriff Joe decided too many inmates were
overweight. So now if they want to watch TV, they have to pedal a stationary bike to power it. The bike generates 12 volts of electricity, and an hour of pedaling equals an hour of TV viewing. (You'll notice in the picture, Sheriff Joe ALSO makes the inmates wear the old-school STRIPES!!! is there NO END to this man's SHEER AWESOMENESS?!?!)Sheriff Joe says, quote, "We're going to do the best we can in our jail system to help the inmates lose weight, and at the same time, give them the luxury of watching whatever they want to watch on television."
LOVE this guy... unfortunately, if he were in Canada, Jack Layton would be trying to have him fired for some sort of violation of the prisoners' human rights...
Monday, April 5, 2010
AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA...
AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA Axl Rose... hehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! HAHAHAHA... HEHEHEHEHEHEHE... you wiped out.... HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! hehe.. he...
...well, at least he did laugh it off, as opposed to get all pissy and walk offstage like I would have expected him to...
...well, at least he did laugh it off, as opposed to get all pissy and walk offstage like I would have expected him to...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Daddy's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Skank-Bags...
Yesterday, the "New York Post" ran a hard-hitting story about this year's most popular prom dress fashions. According to the article, the hot new look is something called "slutty chic." It means pretty much what you think: Dresses that show lots of cleavage, are super short, skin-tight, and maybe leopard print. --The writer for the "Post" describes it as, quote, "dressing like an extra from MTV's 'Jersey Shore'." That's pretty dead-on, if you take THESE as examples...
Believe me, guys... I'm not trying to make this Dad thing any more stressful than it already is... I just thought you should know what you got yourself into when you agreed to take your daughter shopping for her prom dress... tougher and tougher being a Dad nowadays...
Believe me, guys... I'm not trying to make this Dad thing any more stressful than it already is... I just thought you should know what you got yourself into when you agreed to take your daughter shopping for her prom dress... tougher and tougher being a Dad nowadays...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
But Honey, It Was The Magnets... HONEST...
In this month's issue of a journal called "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences", researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology claim to have discovered the brain's "moral compass." It's in an area called the right temporoparietal 
junction . . . just beneath the surface of the brain, behind the right ear . . . and it controls how we judge other people's behavior. But that's not all . . .
According to the researchers, a person's morality center can be manipulated with powerful magnets, disrupting their normal brain activity and making them temporarily LESS MORAL.
For example, in one study, test subjects were asked how they'd feel if a man allowed his girlfriend to cross a bridge he knew was unsafe. Normally, subjects rated the man's behavior as unacceptable. But after getting the magnetic pulse, they saw nothing wrong with the guy's behavior because the woman didn't get hurt. That was basically the study's main finding: After being subjected to the magnetic pulse, NOTHING was rated as morally unacceptable, as long as things ended well.
A woman named Dr. Liane Young led the study. She says, quote, "You think of morality as being a really high-level behavior. To be able to apply a magnetic field to a specific brain region and change people's moral judgments is really astonishing." In other words, no matter how good a person you think you are, your brain can be manipulated with just a few stupid magnets to make you a total jerk.
...so, honey... next time I act like an ASS, I'm blaming all those magnets you put on the fridge...
junction . . . just beneath the surface of the brain, behind the right ear . . . and it controls how we judge other people's behavior. But that's not all . . .According to the researchers, a person's morality center can be manipulated with powerful magnets, disrupting their normal brain activity and making them temporarily LESS MORAL.
For example, in one study, test subjects were asked how they'd feel if a man allowed his girlfriend to cross a bridge he knew was unsafe. Normally, subjects rated the man's behavior as unacceptable. But after getting the magnetic pulse, they saw nothing wrong with the guy's behavior because the woman didn't get hurt. That was basically the study's main finding: After being subjected to the magnetic pulse, NOTHING was rated as morally unacceptable, as long as things ended well.
A woman named Dr. Liane Young led the study. She says, quote, "You think of morality as being a really high-level behavior. To be able to apply a magnetic field to a specific brain region and change people's moral judgments is really astonishing." In other words, no matter how good a person you think you are, your brain can be manipulated with just a few stupid magnets to make you a total jerk.
...so, honey... next time I act like an ASS, I'm blaming all those magnets you put on the fridge...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Would YOU go this far... SHOULD YOU?
It's time to play "Hero or Anti-Hero".... the subject?... an unidentified 14-year-old boy from Winnipeg. Here's the story...
Early Saturday morning, the boy got into an argument with his unidentified 31-year-old mother. Apparently she'd been up all night getting hammered, which was fine... until she grabbed the car keys and tried to DRIVE DRUNK. The boy didn't want his mom to get behind the wheel, so as she was running out the door with her car keys, he grabbed a KNIFE, threw it at her, and hit her in the back.
The woman was rushed to the hospital, where she's in stable condition. And the boy was arrested and charged with aggravated assault. He's being held at a youth detention facility. According to a police spokesman, quote, "He took the car keys from her and the dispute started . . . She had been drinking and she wanted to drive, and he didn't want to let her. It started out he tried to protect her, but in the end injured her."
Okay, He DID go a little over the line, but this kid just MAY just have saved his IDIOT mother from KILLING herself, or, worse yet, killing some innocent person. Would the authorities have preferred he allow her to hit the road in the state she was in?!... Or did he go TOO far?... should he have let her go and called the cops to let THEM deal with it?
Discuss...
Early Saturday morning, the boy got into an argument with his unidentified 31-year-old mother. Apparently she'd been up all night getting hammered, which was fine... until she grabbed the car keys and tried to DRIVE DRUNK. The boy didn't want his mom to get behind the wheel, so as she was running out the door with her car keys, he grabbed a KNIFE, threw it at her, and hit her in the back.
The woman was rushed to the hospital, where she's in stable condition. And the boy was arrested and charged with aggravated assault. He's being held at a youth detention facility. According to a police spokesman, quote, "He took the car keys from her and the dispute started . . . She had been drinking and she wanted to drive, and he didn't want to let her. It started out he tried to protect her, but in the end injured her."
Okay, He DID go a little over the line, but this kid just MAY just have saved his IDIOT mother from KILLING herself, or, worse yet, killing some innocent person. Would the authorities have preferred he allow her to hit the road in the state she was in?!... Or did he go TOO far?... should he have let her go and called the cops to let THEM deal with it?
Discuss...
Monday, March 29, 2010
WANTED: Nerds with Money...
Dating coaches are nothing new. They're the guys who claim to be experts on relationships and women, and make a living coaching loser dudes in the art of picking up chicks. It was the subject of the Will Smith chick-flick "Hitch", and there even used to be a show about a dating doctor on VH1 called "The Pickup Artist".
Well, Dr. Paul Dobransky is a psychologist and self-proclaimed relationship expert from New York City. He runs a series of weekend retreats for men called the "Omega Male Boot Camp." The idea is to help guys WRANGLE CHICKS by, quote, "transforming their masculinity" and helping them "Become more POWERFUL and ATTRACTIVE"... whatever that means. Dr. Paul's seminars focus on every aspect of a relationship... from the pick-up to the possibility of marriage. And they even include a night out at the bars with Dr. Paul himself. Check out the website HERE..
And all it will cost you to take one of Dr. Paul's weekend "Omega Male Boot Camp" seminars is... $1,800.00... U-S...
I'm thinking that if, deep down in your heart, you REALLY feel that you, personally, could use this service, maybe you can trade in a few video games or sell one of your seven computers to help pay for it...
Well, Dr. Paul Dobransky is a psychologist and self-proclaimed relationship expert from New York City. He runs a series of weekend retreats for men called the "Omega Male Boot Camp." The idea is to help guys WRANGLE CHICKS by, quote, "transforming their masculinity" and helping them "Become more POWERFUL and ATTRACTIVE"... whatever that means. Dr. Paul's seminars focus on every aspect of a relationship... from the pick-up to the possibility of marriage. And they even include a night out at the bars with Dr. Paul himself. Check out the website HERE..
And all it will cost you to take one of Dr. Paul's weekend "Omega Male Boot Camp" seminars is... $1,800.00... U-S...
I'm thinking that if, deep down in your heart, you REALLY feel that you, personally, could use this service, maybe you can trade in a few video games or sell one of your seven computers to help pay for it...
Friday, March 26, 2010
NEW SLASH TRACK, with Duff & Dave Grohl!!
Slash will be releasing his upcoming solo album, Slash, on April 6th. The instrumental track called 'Watch This' features Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) and bandmate Duff McKagan (Velvet Revolver, ex-Guns N' Roses) is available for free download HERE!! --->Thursday, March 25, 2010
LAST WARNING... if you fear flying, DO NOT READ THIS!
I've always taken it for granted that when I fly, the PILOT wants the same thing I do: A nice, safe flight that's totally free of death and destruction. But I won't anymore. Not after hearing THIS . . .
Bryan Griffin (...no... not the DOG-From-Family-Guy "Bryan Griffin") is a former pilot for Qantas Airlines. Recently, he won $145,000 in a lawsuit against the airline. It had to do with a certain compulsion Bryan felt when he was flying. See, Bryan's been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. And for about three years, every time Bryan would fly, he'd start to feel the overwhelming urge to CRASH THE PLANE. Bryan says that things sometimes got so bad, he'd have to leave the cockpit until he calmed down. And on one flight, he had to immobilize his arm because his hand, quote, "involuntarily moved towards the start levers" to kill the plane's engines in mid-air.
According to Bryan, Qantas knew about his compulsion all along. Yet they continued to let him fly, which only made things worse. Qantas is considering an appeal.
...Oh, COME ON! Now, not only do we have to worry about terrorists blowing up planes, or DRUNK pilots trying to land them through an alcoholic haze, we've got to worry about MENTALLY ILL pilots feeling compelled to CRASH THEM!?! Forget it... I'm never flying again... and I DID warn you!!
Bryan Griffin (...no... not the DOG-From-Family-Guy "Bryan Griffin") is a former pilot for Qantas Airlines. Recently, he won $145,000 in a lawsuit against the airline. It had to do with a certain compulsion Bryan felt when he was flying. See, Bryan's been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. And for about three years, every time Bryan would fly, he'd start to feel the overwhelming urge to CRASH THE PLANE. Bryan says that things sometimes got so bad, he'd have to leave the cockpit until he calmed down. And on one flight, he had to immobilize his arm because his hand, quote, "involuntarily moved towards the start levers" to kill the plane's engines in mid-air.
According to Bryan, Qantas knew about his compulsion all along. Yet they continued to let him fly, which only made things worse. Qantas is considering an appeal.
...Oh, COME ON! Now, not only do we have to worry about terrorists blowing up planes, or DRUNK pilots trying to land them through an alcoholic haze, we've got to worry about MENTALLY ILL pilots feeling compelled to CRASH THEM!?! Forget it... I'm never flying again... and I DID warn you!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
No Further Comment Needed...
Meet 24-year-old Danielle Vincely of Portsmouth, England. According to the always-reliable British rag "News of the World", Danielle has an unusual phobia that prevents her from ever having sex INDOORS. Danielle says, quote, "Guys love it at first. They think it's kinky making love under the stars in the woods, on beaches, park benches and car bonnets. But after a while they get annoyed, especially if it's raining, and dump me."Men like a quick romp inside on the bed, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's not like I haven't tried. I just can't do it indoors without freaking out. I feel like I'm being choked and about to pass out. I know people think I'm weird, but I've given up caring. Some people are scared of spiders, others of heights; well, this is my phobia and I'm learning to deal with it the best I can."
For the record, doctors say Danielle's phobia could probably be controlled using antidepressants. But she says she'd "...rather keep on having sex outside than become dependent on drugs."
....good choice, Danielle..... good choice....
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Cartman was RIGHT!!!
If you aren't a cynical bastard like me, you might think that the people who say they love the planet love other people even more. Otherwise, why would they care about the environment so much? But a new study confirms what I'VE always maintained... that people who CLAIM to be environmentally-friendly are really a bunch of self-serving d-bags (well, okay, maybe that is a BIT harsh...)
Researchers from the University of Toronto set up a series of tests to compare the behavior of environmentally-conscious people against the behavior of people who are less "crunchy." What they found is that people who buy "green" products are more likely to LIE and CHEAT, and are six times more likely to STEAL, than people who are less environmentally conscious. And in general, they're MEANER overall.
According to the researchers, it has to do with something called "moral balancing." The idea is that since "green" consumers have done so much to help the planet, they think they've built up so much goodwill that they're ALLOWED to be jerks. Or as the researchers put it, quote, "Virtuous acts can license subsequent asocial and unethical behaviors."
In other words, as Eric Cartman and I would have told you all along: Never trust a tree-hugging hippie!!!!
Researchers from the University of Toronto set up a series of tests to compare the behavior of environmentally-conscious people against the behavior of people who are less "crunchy." What they found is that people who buy "green" products are more likely to LIE and CHEAT, and are six times more likely to STEAL, than people who are less environmentally conscious. And in general, they're MEANER overall.
According to the researchers, it has to do with something called "moral balancing." The idea is that since "green" consumers have done so much to help the planet, they think they've built up so much goodwill that they're ALLOWED to be jerks. Or as the researchers put it, quote, "Virtuous acts can license subsequent asocial and unethical behaviors."
In other words, as Eric Cartman and I would have told you all along: Never trust a tree-hugging hippie!!!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Your BAD HABITS are EXPENSIVE...
Times are tough right now, and we're all trying to save a few bucks wherever we can. With that in mind, here's a look at some bad habits, and what they cost you over the course of a year:
If you buy a subscription to a gossip magazine like "OK!", "Us Weekly" or "Life & Style", it'll cost you $78 a year. And if you get it off the newsstand each week, it'll cost you $182 a year.
If you have an unlimited texting plan, it'll cost you $240 a year.
If you have just one 16-ounce soda a day, it'll cost you $547.50 a year.
If you buy one regular or iced coffee every day at Starbucks, it'll cost you $912.50 a year. And if you have a cappuccino instead, it'll cost you $1,442 a year.
And if you smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, it'll cost you $1,825 a year.
....but SEX is FREE!!!!! (...well, at least the LEGAL kind is...)
If you buy a subscription to a gossip magazine like "OK!", "Us Weekly" or "Life & Style", it'll cost you $78 a year. And if you get it off the newsstand each week, it'll cost you $182 a year.
If you have an unlimited texting plan, it'll cost you $240 a year.
If you have just one 16-ounce soda a day, it'll cost you $547.50 a year.
If you buy one regular or iced coffee every day at Starbucks, it'll cost you $912.50 a year. And if you have a cappuccino instead, it'll cost you $1,442 a year.
And if you smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, it'll cost you $1,825 a year.
....but SEX is FREE!!!!! (...well, at least the LEGAL kind is...)
Friday, March 19, 2010
CRAPPY St. Paddy's Day!!
Three days 
before Christmas, a man in a Santa suit robbed a bank in Nashville. The FBI was investigating the case, but it was still unsolved . . . until Wednesday.
That's because on St. Patrick's Day, the same guy did the exact same thing. Except this time, he was dressed as . . . you guessed it . . . a LEPRECHAUN.
According to police, 20-year-old David Cotton is the man responsible for both robberies. Both he and his getaway driver . . . a 20-year-old college student named Jonathan Skinner . . . were KILLED in a shootout with police while leaving the bank. Officials say there are two pieces of evidence linking David to the Christmas robbery:
#1.) When they searched his house, they found a Santa costume.
#2.) And David made similar comments to the tellers during each of the robberies.
Well, I guess they can officially close the book on the Christmastime robbery. I mean, there can't be more than two or three people in the ENTIRE WORLD that actually own a Santa suit? And how many bank robbers really say things like, "Hand over the money"? Hardly any, I'm sure...
before Christmas, a man in a Santa suit robbed a bank in Nashville. The FBI was investigating the case, but it was still unsolved . . . until Wednesday.That's because on St. Patrick's Day, the same guy did the exact same thing. Except this time, he was dressed as . . . you guessed it . . . a LEPRECHAUN.
According to police, 20-year-old David Cotton is the man responsible for both robberies. Both he and his getaway driver . . . a 20-year-old college student named Jonathan Skinner . . . were KILLED in a shootout with police while leaving the bank. Officials say there are two pieces of evidence linking David to the Christmas robbery:
#1.) When they searched his house, they found a Santa costume.
#2.) And David made similar comments to the tellers during each of the robberies.
Well, I guess they can officially close the book on the Christmastime robbery. I mean, there can't be more than two or three people in the ENTIRE WORLD that actually own a Santa suit? And how many bank robbers really say things like, "Hand over the money"? Hardly any, I'm sure...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Yet ANOTHER reason I LOVE CANADA!!!
The next time you're at your wit's end over a seven hour wait in the Emergency Room, just be glad you don't live in India. Here's why . . .
Last November, 54-year-old Gouri Chakraborty was admitted to the hospital in Kolkata, India. Gouri had high blood pressure, was diabetic, and she'd been experiencing complications from a recent cataract surgery. Then she slipped into a COMA.
Monday, Gouri's family showed up at the hospital for a visit. But when they got there, they found ANTS crawling on her face. And it wasn't just a few ants . . . it was enough to have completely DEVOURED her left eye!!
According to an official hospital report, quote, "The woman had lost one of her eyes to ants . . . She was already on her death bed, and this added to her problems." (now THERE'S a classic understatement!!) Hospital officials told Gouri's family they were sorry for what happened. But they also pointed out it's not that uncommon for ants to feed on diabetics, because they have such high levels of blood sugar. I'm sure that made them feel SOO much better!! The incident is now being investigated.
So next time you're in the hospital, instead of selfishly bitching about the wait, perhaps we should all thank the nurses and doctors for the great job that they do, given the situation they're put in!
Last November, 54-year-old Gouri Chakraborty was admitted to the hospital in Kolkata, India. Gouri had high blood pressure, was diabetic, and she'd been experiencing complications from a recent cataract surgery. Then she slipped into a COMA.
Monday, Gouri's family showed up at the hospital for a visit. But when they got there, they found ANTS crawling on her face. And it wasn't just a few ants . . . it was enough to have completely DEVOURED her left eye!!
According to an official hospital report, quote, "The woman had lost one of her eyes to ants . . . She was already on her death bed, and this added to her problems." (now THERE'S a classic understatement!!) Hospital officials told Gouri's family they were sorry for what happened. But they also pointed out it's not that uncommon for ants to feed on diabetics, because they have such high levels of blood sugar. I'm sure that made them feel SOO much better!! The incident is now being investigated.
So next time you're in the hospital, instead of selfishly bitching about the wait, perhaps we should all thank the nurses and doctors for the great job that they do, given the situation they're put in!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
A Green Top 5...
TOP SIGNS FIVE YOU'RE WAY TOO INTO ST. PATRICK'S DAY...
#5 - You like using classic Irish phrases, like "Erin Go Bragh," "Top O' the Mornin'" and "I'm drunk as %$#@!"
#4 - You pinch people who aren't wearing green. Or who are wearing green. Okay, you're a pervert.
#3 - You're holding Ronald McDonald hostage until he puts Shamrock Shakes back on the menu.
#2 - You started drinking early . . . on February 1st.
...and the NUMBER ONE sign you're WAYYY too into St. Patrick's Day... You're constantly being slapped for showing women your "shillelagh."
#5 - You like using classic Irish phrases, like "Erin Go Bragh," "Top O' the Mornin'" and "I'm drunk as %$#@!"
#4 - You pinch people who aren't wearing green. Or who are wearing green. Okay, you're a pervert.
#3 - You're holding Ronald McDonald hostage until he puts Shamrock Shakes back on the menu.
#2 - You started drinking early . . . on February 1st.
...and the NUMBER ONE sign you're WAYYY too into St. Patrick's Day... You're constantly being slapped for showing women your "shillelagh."
Monday, March 15, 2010
Got Wood(s)...?
Are you a skanky cocktail waitress or struggling actress who missed her chance at hooking up with TIGER WOODS??? Well, now you can at least get cozy with the Tiger Woods BLOW-UP DOLL. Check out the blow-up doll, plus other Tiger Woods novelty products, by clicking on the picture below... (WARNING, YOUNG JEDI'S... this link contains NAUGHTY PRODUCTS... proceed at your own discretion!!)
...the BEST part about the Tiger Blow-Up Doll... it won't badger you afterward to take its name off your blow-up cell phone!!!
...the BEST part about the Tiger Blow-Up Doll... it won't badger you afterward to take its name off your blow-up cell phone!!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
The "Sex Map Of The World"...
You gotta love British tabloids. When they can't think of stuff to make up, at least they run interesting stories. Yesterday "The Sun" had their "Sex Map Of The World," a bunch of random facts based on a dozen different surveys, all to figure out which country has the best sex. Not exactly breaking news, but it's Friday, and you know you want to see it. Here's a sampling of info...
--The country with the most bisexual women is . . . Sweden.
--The 'horniest' country in the world is . . . Greece.
--With an average of 29.3 sex partners, the country with the most promiscuous men is . . . Austria.
--And with an average of 20.4 sex partners, the country with the most promiscuous women is . . . New Zealand.
--The world's best lovers are from . . . Spain.
--And the world's worst lovers are from . . . Germany.
--At an average of just ten minutes, the country where sex lasts the shortest is . . . Thailand.
--And at an average of 30 minutes, the country where sex lasts the longest is . . . Brazil.
--With more than 40% of the women wearing a bra size-DD or larger, the country where the women have the largest breasts is . . . Australia.
--At 41%, the country where the most people have participated in an orgy is . . . France.
--But the country that holds the record for the world's largest orgy is . . . Japan.
--The world's largest nudist resort is . . . the Village Naturiste in Cap d'Agde in France.
--With an estimated 250 locations, the brothel capital of the world is . . . Tel Aviv, Israel.
--The "kinkiest" place to go on vacation is . . . San Francisco, California, during the Folsom Street Fair.
--And by producing nearly 90% of the world's sex films, the pornography capital of the world is . . . the San Fernando Valley, in Los Angeles.
...now go plan your vacations accordingly...
--The country with the most bisexual women is . . . Sweden.
--The 'horniest' country in the world is . . . Greece.
--With an average of 29.3 sex partners, the country with the most promiscuous men is . . . Austria.
--And with an average of 20.4 sex partners, the country with the most promiscuous women is . . . New Zealand.
--The world's best lovers are from . . . Spain.
--And the world's worst lovers are from . . . Germany.
--At an average of just ten minutes, the country where sex lasts the shortest is . . . Thailand.
--And at an average of 30 minutes, the country where sex lasts the longest is . . . Brazil.
--With more than 40% of the women wearing a bra size-DD or larger, the country where the women have the largest breasts is . . . Australia.
--At 41%, the country where the most people have participated in an orgy is . . . France.
--But the country that holds the record for the world's largest orgy is . . . Japan.
--The world's largest nudist resort is . . . the Village Naturiste in Cap d'Agde in France.
--With an estimated 250 locations, the brothel capital of the world is . . . Tel Aviv, Israel.
--The "kinkiest" place to go on vacation is . . . San Francisco, California, during the Folsom Street Fair.
--And by producing nearly 90% of the world's sex films, the pornography capital of the world is . . . the San Fernando Valley, in Los Angeles.
...now go plan your vacations accordingly...
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Now THIS guy is a TRUE hero!!
I don't have any combat experience, and I have no desire to gain any. I give HUUUUUGE props to the guys that DO serve their country... and none bigger than THIS guy....
THIS is Rifleman James McKie, a British soldier serving in Afghanistan. This picture was taken immediately after a recent battle. You can see he has a few cuts on his face.... when you find out WHY, you'll know why if I was in a battle, I'd want THIS guy fighting alongside me!
James and his British compatriots were in a battle with Taliban fighters. James was positioned on top of a building near his platoon commander, when a LIVE GRENADE flew through the air, hit his platoon commander, and landed at his feet. The building was too high for them to jump off of. And even if they had, there's no way they could have alerted their fellow soldiers...
...so James PICKED UP the grenade and threw it back at the enemy!!!
A split-second after the grenade left James' hand, it exploded in mid-air. Fragments of the grenade sprayed James' face and arm, hence the cuts, and the platoon commander suffered leg injuries, but he was evacuated and is recovering.
James says,"I remember thinking that if I didn't pull this off, it was going to hurt. But at that stage I was pretty much committed . . . My platoon has taken a lot of casualties. I really didn't want to see anyone else get hurt."
....plus he's kinda cute, ladies.... (no word on whether or not James is attached!)
For more details on the story, and video of James explaining the battle, click HERE
THIS is Rifleman James McKie, a British soldier serving in Afghanistan. This picture was taken immediately after a recent battle. You can see he has a few cuts on his face.... when you find out WHY, you'll know why if I was in a battle, I'd want THIS guy fighting alongside me!James and his British compatriots were in a battle with Taliban fighters. James was positioned on top of a building near his platoon commander, when a LIVE GRENADE flew through the air, hit his platoon commander, and landed at his feet. The building was too high for them to jump off of. And even if they had, there's no way they could have alerted their fellow soldiers...
...so James PICKED UP the grenade and threw it back at the enemy!!!
A split-second after the grenade left James' hand, it exploded in mid-air. Fragments of the grenade sprayed James' face and arm, hence the cuts, and the platoon commander suffered leg injuries, but he was evacuated and is recovering.
James says,"I remember thinking that if I didn't pull this off, it was going to hurt. But at that stage I was pretty much committed . . . My platoon has taken a lot of casualties. I really didn't want to see anyone else get hurt."
....plus he's kinda cute, ladies.... (no word on whether or not James is attached!)
For more details on the story, and video of James explaining the battle, click HERE
Career Opportunities...(?!)
The education system in the United States of America certainly does NOT hold the exclusive license on lunacy... but were it an Olympic sport, they would be the odds-on favourite to take gold year-in and year-out. The Huffington Post recently put together a list of the ten most ridiculous college courses you can actually take at schools around the U-S. Check it out:
--At Santa Clara University, you can take a class called The Joy of Garbage, where you explore "the technical aspects of decomposition and waste processes."
--At Cornell University, you can take a class called Tree Climbing.
--At Georgetown University, you can take a class called Philosophy and "Star Trek".
--At UCLA, you can take a class called Queer Musicology, which explores pressing issues like "the possibility that being gay makes music by gay composers sound different to you than it would if you were straight."
--At Pitzer College in California, you can take a class called Learning from YouTube, which . . . shocker . . . consists of "students watching, discussing, and commenting on YouTube videos."
--At Stanford University, you can take a class called iPhone Application Programming. (--Actually, if you FOOLISHLY went to college to get a decent job afterwards, this class might not be such a lame idea.)
--At Alfred University in New York, you can take a class called Maple Syrup; The Real Thing.
--At Frostburg State University in Maryland, you can take a class called The Science of "Harry Potter".
--At Centre College in Kentucky, you can take a class called The Art of Walking.
--And at Reed College in Oregon, you can take a class called Underwater Basket Weaving... no... really...
Pick your major...OR you can just come right out and SAY "I'm just going to college for the wild frat parties..."
--At Santa Clara University, you can take a class called The Joy of Garbage, where you explore "the technical aspects of decomposition and waste processes."
--At Cornell University, you can take a class called Tree Climbing.
--At Georgetown University, you can take a class called Philosophy and "Star Trek".
--At UCLA, you can take a class called Queer Musicology, which explores pressing issues like "the possibility that being gay makes music by gay composers sound different to you than it would if you were straight."
--At Pitzer College in California, you can take a class called Learning from YouTube, which . . . shocker . . . consists of "students watching, discussing, and commenting on YouTube videos."
--At Stanford University, you can take a class called iPhone Application Programming. (--Actually, if you FOOLISHLY went to college to get a decent job afterwards, this class might not be such a lame idea.)
--At Alfred University in New York, you can take a class called Maple Syrup; The Real Thing.
--At Frostburg State University in Maryland, you can take a class called The Science of "Harry Potter".
--At Centre College in Kentucky, you can take a class called The Art of Walking.
--And at Reed College in Oregon, you can take a class called Underwater Basket Weaving... no... really...
Pick your major...OR you can just come right out and SAY "I'm just going to college for the wild frat parties..."
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Who's your TRUE HERO?!?! FIND OUT HERE!!!
This is INCREDIBLE... I didn't believe it when I first tried it, but it's AMAZING how ACCURATE this is. I usually don't believe in this kind of stuff, but this was CRAZY!!
The following exercise will reveal the identity of your TRUE HERO... your IDOL, your ROLE MODEL!! It may seem silly, but it's unbelievably accurate... mine was Terry Fox... absolutely dead on for me... and everyone I know who has done this exercise was SHOCKED and AMAZED at the results!! ...and it's SIMPLE....
FIRST, do the simple math below... THEN, scroll down to the post immediately below this one to reveal the identity of your hero. It is truly remarkable just how accurate this is! So here we go...
1) Pick your favorite number between 1 and 8
2) Multiply your choice by 3
3) Add 3
4) Multiply again by 3
5) You'll get a 2 digit number......maybe 42, for example
6) Add the digits together. Example 4 and 2 = 6
NOW, scroll down to the post immediately below to see who your idol is...
The following exercise will reveal the identity of your TRUE HERO... your IDOL, your ROLE MODEL!! It may seem silly, but it's unbelievably accurate... mine was Terry Fox... absolutely dead on for me... and everyone I know who has done this exercise was SHOCKED and AMAZED at the results!! ...and it's SIMPLE....
FIRST, do the simple math below... THEN, scroll down to the post immediately below this one to reveal the identity of your hero. It is truly remarkable just how accurate this is! So here we go...
1) Pick your favorite number between 1 and 8
2) Multiply your choice by 3
3) Add 3
4) Multiply again by 3
5) You'll get a 2 digit number......maybe 42, for example
6) Add the digits together. Example 4 and 2 = 6
NOW, scroll down to the post immediately below to see who your idol is...
...and nowwwwwww.....
...with the number you got in the post immediately above, see the identity of your ROLE MODEL from the list below:
1. Albert Einstein
2. Oprah Winfrey
3. Mother Theresa
4. Terry Fox
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Eleanor Roosevelt
8. Babe Ruth
9. Stack in the Morning
10.Winston Churchill
11.Barbara Walters
12.Dalai Lama
...REALLY?!?!?! WOW, Thank you... I'm just glad I can make a difference, you know...
(Bet YOU, TOO, are "SHOCKED and AMAZED"... incidently, if you're wondering how I got Terry Fox... well, THAT my friend, is how BADLY my math sucks!!)
1. Albert Einstein
2. Oprah Winfrey
3. Mother Theresa
4. Terry Fox
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Eleanor Roosevelt
8. Babe Ruth
9. Stack in the Morning
10.Winston Churchill
11.Barbara Walters
12.Dalai Lama
...REALLY?!?!?! WOW, Thank you... I'm just glad I can make a difference, you know...
(Bet YOU, TOO, are "SHOCKED and AMAZED"... incidently, if you're wondering how I got Terry Fox... well, THAT my friend, is how BADLY my math sucks!!)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
MOST EXCELLENT NEWS!!! ROCK ON!!!
"Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" came out in 1989. The sequel, "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey", followed in 1991. At the Oscars on Sunday night, MTV News asked KEANU REEVES about a "Bill & Ted" sequel . . . and Keanu replied that he's TRYING to get one off the ground. And he claimed that he was NOT kidding. Here's video of this potentially earth-shattering moment...
The PROBLEM with POLLS...
People LIE... LIKE RUGS.... THAT is the problem with polls! I've tried to teach my kids NOT to believe everything they see or hear, just because they see or hear it in "the media." Skillful pollsters can get whatever result they WANT just by manipulating the wording of the question! In addition, it's been proven time and time again that no matter HOW "anonymous" these polls might be, people will lie their faces off to make themselves look good... case in point...
Recently, an adult website called AdamAndEve.com asked 1,000 North Americans how long their AVERAGE lovemaking session lasts. According to the survey, 12.8% of Americans say their average session lasts ten minutes or less... 26.8% say it usually lasts 20 minutes... 31.2% say it usually lasts 30 minutes... 16.7% say it usually lasts 45 minutes... And 12.5% say it usually last an hour or longer.
In other words, if we're to believe the results of this survey, more than THREE in FIVE North Americans regularly have sex for 30 minutes or longer. And nearly ONE in THREE usually goes for 45 minutes or longer.
...Maybe they're averaging it out and including dinner AND the movie...
Recently, an adult website called AdamAndEve.com asked 1,000 North Americans how long their AVERAGE lovemaking session lasts. According to the survey, 12.8% of Americans say their average session lasts ten minutes or less... 26.8% say it usually lasts 20 minutes... 31.2% say it usually lasts 30 minutes... 16.7% say it usually lasts 45 minutes... And 12.5% say it usually last an hour or longer.
In other words, if we're to believe the results of this survey, more than THREE in FIVE North Americans regularly have sex for 30 minutes or longer. And nearly ONE in THREE usually goes for 45 minutes or longer.
...Maybe they're averaging it out and including dinner AND the movie...
Monday, March 8, 2010
In Today's Boobie News...
And NOW.... three stories about Mammalian Protuberances...
#1
Bargain shopping is a great way to save money. But it's not the best thing to do when you're looking for a doctor to perform SURGERY on your mommy. Unfortunately, 46-year-old Maria Alaimo of Staten Island, New York, learned that one the hard way. In 2003, Maria decided she was going to get a BOOB JOB. So she went online, and finally settled on a plastic surgeon with reasonable rates named Dr. Keith Berman. But Dr. Berman botched Maria's procedure, leaving her with excessive scarring, as well as two softball-sized lumps on top of her lady lumps. Or as Maria refers to them, quote, "double-bubble deformities" that make it look like she has four fun-bags instead of two. Anyway, Maria was distraught, and her deformed breasts killed her self-esteem. Things got so bad that she even stopped letting her husband Dominic see her naked, which caused a bunch of intimacy issues and eventually led to their divorce. Now Maria's suing Dr. Berman for $5 MILLION for her pain, suffering and . . . well . . . for basically destroying her life. Maria says her breasts were, quote, "grossly misshapen . . . my nipples were up to my chin . . . I was deformed." The case is ongoing.
#2
Daniel Angerer is the chef at a restaurant in New York City called Klee Brasserie.
A few months ago, his wife Lori gave birth to their daughter. And like any real man would, Daniel decided to seize the opportunity by making CHEESE out of his wife's BREAST MILK. You probably didn't even know you COULD make cheese out of human breast milk. Or that anyone would ever want to. But it turns out you can, and Daniel did. He says, quote, "After two weeks aging, it was somewhat like a raw-milk cheese; it had all the flavors in there. It tastes just like really sweet cow's milk. "Being a chef, you're curious about anything in terms of flavor; you look out for something new and what you can do with it. "It wasn't like, 'Hey, this is such an amazing cheese.' It's just like, 'Can you use human milk? Yes, you absolutely can!'" In case you're wondering, Daniel's NOT serving the breast-milk cheese at Klee because he doesn't think the FDA would be cool with it.... Good call, Daniel.
#3
Ladies . . . this is just a heads-up to let you know that according to the law, your BREASTS are considered a deadly weapon. At least that's what I take from this story. Last Thursday, 31-year-old Toni Tramel was arrested for public intoxication in Owensboro, Kentucky. It was a misdemeanor charge, and Toni probably would have gotten off with just a small fine. But while she was changing into an inmate uniform at the jail, Toni squirted the guard in the face with her BREAST MILK. Under the letter of the law, breast milk is treated just like any other bodily fluid. And Toni was slapped with a third-degree felony assault charge as a result. Now she's being held on $10,000 bond, and if she's convicted she could get up to five years in prison. All because she got wasted and squirted a cop in the face with her breast milk.
#1
Bargain shopping is a great way to save money. But it's not the best thing to do when you're looking for a doctor to perform SURGERY on your mommy. Unfortunately, 46-year-old Maria Alaimo of Staten Island, New York, learned that one the hard way. In 2003, Maria decided she was going to get a BOOB JOB. So she went online, and finally settled on a plastic surgeon with reasonable rates named Dr. Keith Berman. But Dr. Berman botched Maria's procedure, leaving her with excessive scarring, as well as two softball-sized lumps on top of her lady lumps. Or as Maria refers to them, quote, "double-bubble deformities" that make it look like she has four fun-bags instead of two. Anyway, Maria was distraught, and her deformed breasts killed her self-esteem. Things got so bad that she even stopped letting her husband Dominic see her naked, which caused a bunch of intimacy issues and eventually led to their divorce. Now Maria's suing Dr. Berman for $5 MILLION for her pain, suffering and . . . well . . . for basically destroying her life. Maria says her breasts were, quote, "grossly misshapen . . . my nipples were up to my chin . . . I was deformed." The case is ongoing.
#2
Daniel Angerer is the chef at a restaurant in New York City called Klee Brasserie.
A few months ago, his wife Lori gave birth to their daughter. And like any real man would, Daniel decided to seize the opportunity by making CHEESE out of his wife's BREAST MILK. You probably didn't even know you COULD make cheese out of human breast milk. Or that anyone would ever want to. But it turns out you can, and Daniel did. He says, quote, "After two weeks aging, it was somewhat like a raw-milk cheese; it had all the flavors in there. It tastes just like really sweet cow's milk. "Being a chef, you're curious about anything in terms of flavor; you look out for something new and what you can do with it. "It wasn't like, 'Hey, this is such an amazing cheese.' It's just like, 'Can you use human milk? Yes, you absolutely can!'" In case you're wondering, Daniel's NOT serving the breast-milk cheese at Klee because he doesn't think the FDA would be cool with it.... Good call, Daniel.
#3
Ladies . . . this is just a heads-up to let you know that according to the law, your BREASTS are considered a deadly weapon. At least that's what I take from this story. Last Thursday, 31-year-old Toni Tramel was arrested for public intoxication in Owensboro, Kentucky. It was a misdemeanor charge, and Toni probably would have gotten off with just a small fine. But while she was changing into an inmate uniform at the jail, Toni squirted the guard in the face with her BREAST MILK. Under the letter of the law, breast milk is treated just like any other bodily fluid. And Toni was slapped with a third-degree felony assault charge as a result. Now she's being held on $10,000 bond, and if she's convicted she could get up to five years in prison. All because she got wasted and squirted a cop in the face with her breast milk.
Friday, March 5, 2010
More B-Movie Awesomeness!!
Anyone who knows me knows my enthusiasm for movies that are sooooo BAD they are AWESOME!! Such was the case with "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus", the instant B-movie CLASSIC starring Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas (how can you go WRONG!!) This Epic 
piece of cinematic genius featured the Mega Shark biting the Golden Gate bridge in half (right) and plucking a cruising jetliner out of the air at 30,000 feet!! Well, we coul be in for another duesy along the same lines...
LEGENDARY B-movie producer/director ROGER CORMAN is shedding a little more light on his upcoming made-for-the-SyFy-network masterpiece, "SHARKTOPUS".
Perhaps the most important info he parted with was this: Sharktopus will have TWO MOUTHS!!! Corman explains, "It has the shark's mouth at the front. An octopus, we did a little research on this, has of course the long tentacles. The tentacles grabs whatever it's after. It has a beak-like mouth, the tentacles bring the small creature, or in this case a large creature, to the beak like mouth, and it feeds itself that way."
Want to know more about Sharktopus??? OF COURSE YOU DO!!! He's actually created by the Navy to take on Somali pirates. He has implants in his brain so that he can be controlled . . . but obviously, something goes awry. Sharktopus is 40 feet
long. His body is 10 to 12 feet, and his tentacles are 30 (I was kinda hoping for something a little bigger, frankly... something like is pictured left!)
By the way, before "Sharktopus" comes along, Corman has another masterpiece in the pipeline, called "Dinoshark". That one airs on SyFy next Saturday. What's next...?... OctoSaur?... Sharkasaurus Pus?
piece of cinematic genius featured the Mega Shark biting the Golden Gate bridge in half (right) and plucking a cruising jetliner out of the air at 30,000 feet!! Well, we coul be in for another duesy along the same lines...LEGENDARY B-movie producer/director ROGER CORMAN is shedding a little more light on his upcoming made-for-the-SyFy-network masterpiece, "SHARKTOPUS".
Perhaps the most important info he parted with was this: Sharktopus will have TWO MOUTHS!!! Corman explains, "It has the shark's mouth at the front. An octopus, we did a little research on this, has of course the long tentacles. The tentacles grabs whatever it's after. It has a beak-like mouth, the tentacles bring the small creature, or in this case a large creature, to the beak like mouth, and it feeds itself that way."
Want to know more about Sharktopus??? OF COURSE YOU DO!!! He's actually created by the Navy to take on Somali pirates. He has implants in his brain so that he can be controlled . . . but obviously, something goes awry. Sharktopus is 40 feet
long. His body is 10 to 12 feet, and his tentacles are 30 (I was kinda hoping for something a little bigger, frankly... something like is pictured left!)By the way, before "Sharktopus" comes along, Corman has another masterpiece in the pipeline, called "Dinoshark". That one airs on SyFy next Saturday. What's next...?... OctoSaur?... Sharkasaurus Pus?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
A Thank You Note...
Just in case you thought ALL Americans were arrogant xenophobic morons, I thought I'd pass along this note left behind for us after the Olympics by a noted news anchor...
"After tonight's broadcast and after looting our hotel mini-bars, we're going to try to brave the blizzard and fly east to home and hearth, and to do laundry well into next week. Before we leave this thoroughly polite country, the polite thing to do is leave behind a thank-you note.
Thank you, Canada:
For being such good hosts.
For your unfailing courtesy.
For your (mostly) beautiful weather.
For scheduling no more than 60 percent of your float plane departures at the exact moment when I was trying to say something on television.
For not seeming to mind the occasional (or constant) good-natured mimicry of your accents.
For your unique TV commercials -- for companies like Tim Hortons -- which made us laugh and cry.
For securing this massive event without choking security, and without publicly displaying a single automatic weapon.
For having the best garment design and logo-wear of the games -- you've made wearing your name a cool thing to do.
For the sportsmanship we saw most of your athletes display.
For not honking your horns. I didn't hear one car horn in 15 days -- which also means none of my fellow New Yorkers rented cars while visiting.
For making us aware of how many of you have been watching NBC all these years.
For having the good taste to have an anchorman named Brian Williams on your CTV network, who turns out to be such a nice guy.
For the body scans at the airport which make pat-downs and cavity searches unnecessary.
For designing those really cool LED Olympic rings in the harbor, which turned to gold when your athletes won one.
For always saying nice things about the United States...when you know we're listening.
For sharing Joannie Rochette with us.
For reminding some of us we used to be a more civil society.
Mostly, for welcoming the world with such ease and making lasting friends with all of us.
-Brian Williams, anchor and managing editor, NBC Nightly News"
...a class act... although I'm sure Conan O'Brian would argue his network execs don't share that trait...
"After tonight's broadcast and after looting our hotel mini-bars, we're going to try to brave the blizzard and fly east to home and hearth, and to do laundry well into next week. Before we leave this thoroughly polite country, the polite thing to do is leave behind a thank-you note.
Thank you, Canada:
For being such good hosts.
For your unfailing courtesy.
For your (mostly) beautiful weather.
For scheduling no more than 60 percent of your float plane departures at the exact moment when I was trying to say something on television.
For not seeming to mind the occasional (or constant) good-natured mimicry of your accents.
For your unique TV commercials -- for companies like Tim Hortons -- which made us laugh and cry.
For securing this massive event without choking security, and without publicly displaying a single automatic weapon.
For having the best garment design and logo-wear of the games -- you've made wearing your name a cool thing to do.
For the sportsmanship we saw most of your athletes display.
For not honking your horns. I didn't hear one car horn in 15 days -- which also means none of my fellow New Yorkers rented cars while visiting.
For making us aware of how many of you have been watching NBC all these years.
For having the good taste to have an anchorman named Brian Williams on your CTV network, who turns out to be such a nice guy.
For the body scans at the airport which make pat-downs and cavity searches unnecessary.
For designing those really cool LED Olympic rings in the harbor, which turned to gold when your athletes won one.
For always saying nice things about the United States...when you know we're listening.
For sharing Joannie Rochette with us.
For reminding some of us we used to be a more civil society.
Mostly, for welcoming the world with such ease and making lasting friends with all of us.
-Brian Williams, anchor and managing editor, NBC Nightly News"
...a class act... although I'm sure Conan O'Brian would argue his network execs don't share that trait...
Cos' John would have SOOO been down with this...
John Lennon's son Sean has said his mother Yoko Ono allowed video footage of the former Beatle to be used in a Citroen ad to "keep him in the public consciousness". Responding to criticism about the car ad on his Twitter page, Sean Ono Lennon denied that his mother allowed Lennon to appear in the campaign for money reasons, instead stating that it was an attempt to keep him in the public eye... because CLEARLY we need a car TV ad to remember one of the most famous rock stars in history... Here it is...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Best Music Video in YEARS...
OK GO is the same band that several years back did a video for their song "Here it Goes Again" with an incredible treadmill dance... they're back at it with an unbelievable Rube Goldberg machine that took them MONTHS to set up right, and DOZENS of takes to get perfect... this is ALL REAL TIME with no camera tricks whatsoever...
I wonder if this is his Mother-in Law...?
Don't get me wrong... I do NOT condone scaring the crap out of old ladies... but you have to admit, this IS kinda funny...
Old Lady Terrified by Race Car Ride - Watch more Funny Videos
Old Lady Terrified by Race Car Ride - Watch more Funny Videos
Have your PARTNER read this...
I always try to pass along any information I feel might be useful, and given that most of us feel a little shy expressing ourselves about sex, even to our partners, I thought this might be helpful...
We all know men and women aren't always on the same page sexually. But according to the March issue of "Men's Health", there are a few things we can agree on. The survey asked nearly 5,000 men and women to rank a bunch of sexual activities and say which ones they were most interested in, and least interested in. Here's what they found:
--The five things guys are most interested in doing with their partner are:
#1.) Having sex in public
#2.) Getting a striptease or lap dance
#3.) Watching pornography
#4.) Handcuffing their partner
#5.) A threesome with two GIRLS
--And the five things women are most interested in are:
#1.) Using sex toys
#2.) Being handcuffed
#3.) Having sex in public
#4.) Giving a striptease or lap dance
#5.) Watching pornography together
--The five things men are least interested in are:
#1.) A threesome with two GUYS
#2.) S & M
#3.) Trading dirty pictures
#4.) Spanking
#5.) Role-playing
--And the five things women are least interested in are:
#1.) S & M
#2.) A threesome with two GUYS
#3.) A threesome with two GIRLS
#4.) ummm... how do I put this delicately?... "alternate" entries...
#5.) Trading dirty pictures
--In other words, NEITHER of you want to use leather & whips and stuff, take dirty photos, or bring another dude into the bedroom. But BOTH of you want to do the nasty in public, have her strip and give you a 'lapper', handcuff her and watch dirty movies together... in my book, that is some SERIOUS common ground...
INFORMATION IS POWER, people!!
We all know men and women aren't always on the same page sexually. But according to the March issue of "Men's Health", there are a few things we can agree on. The survey asked nearly 5,000 men and women to rank a bunch of sexual activities and say which ones they were most interested in, and least interested in. Here's what they found:
--The five things guys are most interested in doing with their partner are:
#1.) Having sex in public
#2.) Getting a striptease or lap dance
#3.) Watching pornography
#4.) Handcuffing their partner
#5.) A threesome with two GIRLS
--And the five things women are most interested in are:
#1.) Using sex toys
#2.) Being handcuffed
#3.) Having sex in public
#4.) Giving a striptease or lap dance
#5.) Watching pornography together
--The five things men are least interested in are:
#1.) A threesome with two GUYS
#2.) S & M
#3.) Trading dirty pictures
#4.) Spanking
#5.) Role-playing
--And the five things women are least interested in are:
#1.) S & M
#2.) A threesome with two GUYS
#3.) A threesome with two GIRLS
#4.) ummm... how do I put this delicately?... "alternate" entries...
#5.) Trading dirty pictures
--In other words, NEITHER of you want to use leather & whips and stuff, take dirty photos, or bring another dude into the bedroom. But BOTH of you want to do the nasty in public, have her strip and give you a 'lapper', handcuff her and watch dirty movies together... in my book, that is some SERIOUS common ground...
INFORMATION IS POWER, people!!
Banned Pamela Anderson Commercial
I always think of the Aussies as pretty "out-there", so I would think it would take QUITE A LOT to have something BANNED from Australian T-V... let's find out...
No More Tear-gas...?
Here's a great story of an Ozzy book signing gone horribly wrong, compliments of our friends at Billboard/fuse's "Daily Noise"...
Monday, March 1, 2010
Do we "Own" The Podium...?
A LOT of Canadians seemed to have a problem with the whole "Own The Podium" slogan, which is not terribly surprising given our humble nature. What IS surprising, and a little funny, is the problem the Americans seemed to have with it.
Not only did Canada have our best-ever finish at the Olympic Winter Games this time around, we set a record for Winter Olympic Gold Medals... no country, whether hosting or not, has EVER won 14 Gold medals
in one Winter Games. We finished third in total medal tally with 14 gold, 7 silver and 5 bronze for a total of 26. Germany was second with 10, 13 and 7 for a total of 30 medals, and the U-S ended up with 37 total medals (9 gold, 15 silver, 13 bronze)
I always thought the way they did the medal tally was a bit weird, with a bronze or silver worth as much as a gold. Theoretically, if we had 38 bronze medals and the Americans had 37 gold, we would "win" the Olympics... and you can be GUARANTEED that if that ever happened, the U-S would be screaming BLOODY MURDER to have changes made to the way things are counted, with gold medals worth more than silver, and silver more than bronze.
Which is why I find it mildly amusing that the Americans are going out of their way to point out to us that the number of gold medals we won doesn't matter because they "won" the Olympics,, and consequently pointing out that they "Own the Podium", not us.
If you will allow me to be slightly "un-Canadian" in my fierce patriotism and lack of humility for a moment, I would like to answer these comments by the Americans....
Dear United States of America...
Get over it! Whether or not we "owned" the podium, we "owned" you in hockey (men's AND women's)... we "owned" you in speed-skating... we "owned" you BIG TIME in women's bobsled... we also "owned" you in Figure Skating, Freestyle Skiing, Snowboard Racing... and, with your best total of 10 Gold in 2002 and our RECORD-BREAKING 14 this year, we may not "own" the WHOLE podium, but we SURE AS HELL OWN THE TOP OF IT!!!
Yours Truly North and Strongly Free,
A Proud Canadian
Not only did Canada have our best-ever finish at the Olympic Winter Games this time around, we set a record for Winter Olympic Gold Medals... no country, whether hosting or not, has EVER won 14 Gold medals
in one Winter Games. We finished third in total medal tally with 14 gold, 7 silver and 5 bronze for a total of 26. Germany was second with 10, 13 and 7 for a total of 30 medals, and the U-S ended up with 37 total medals (9 gold, 15 silver, 13 bronze)I always thought the way they did the medal tally was a bit weird, with a bronze or silver worth as much as a gold. Theoretically, if we had 38 bronze medals and the Americans had 37 gold, we would "win" the Olympics... and you can be GUARANTEED that if that ever happened, the U-S would be screaming BLOODY MURDER to have changes made to the way things are counted, with gold medals worth more than silver, and silver more than bronze.
Which is why I find it mildly amusing that the Americans are going out of their way to point out to us that the number of gold medals we won doesn't matter because they "won" the Olympics,, and consequently pointing out that they "Own the Podium", not us.
If you will allow me to be slightly "un-Canadian" in my fierce patriotism and lack of humility for a moment, I would like to answer these comments by the Americans....
Dear United States of America...
Get over it! Whether or not we "owned" the podium, we "owned" you in hockey (men's AND women's)... we "owned" you in speed-skating... we "owned" you BIG TIME in women's bobsled... we also "owned" you in Figure Skating, Freestyle Skiing, Snowboard Racing... and, with your best total of 10 Gold in 2002 and our RECORD-BREAKING 14 this year, we may not "own" the WHOLE podium, but we SURE AS HELL OWN THE TOP OF IT!!!
Yours Truly North and Strongly Free,
A Proud Canadian
Friday, February 26, 2010
GOD, I love Canada!!!!
I LOVE my country. I was UNBELIEVABLY PROUD to carry the torch, and that makes today all the more special fo me. Rarely has there been a prouder day to be a Canadian!
Joannie Rochette scored the greatest Third Place in HISTORY last night, taking Bronze in a
heart-wrenching, passionate and brave performance, just days after losing her mother suddenly to a heart attack. Your mother is as proud as we are, Joannie!
The same night, our Canadian Women's Hockey team took their third Olympic gold in a row, beating the U-S 2-0. Although the young- guard stole the spotlight, with a shutout from Shannon Szabados (who was considered a third-stringer just a few months
ago) and both goals from 18-year old scoring phenom Marie-Philip Poulin, for me, the pride peaked when the cameras focused on Hayley Wickenheiser, the greatest women's hockey player in history, and Team Canada's elder statesperson. To me, Hayley represents everything a Canadian should be... tough, straight forward, not afraid to tell it like it is, and quietly but fiercely patriotic! Her tears of joy brought on mine. Hayley, you are a true Canadian hero!
Tonight, our men play for the right to go for the gold on Sunday, most likely against the Americans. I thought I'd pass along the Olympic Hockey Prayer... I read it on the air this morning after getting it from loyal listener Joe Dionne, who got it from loyal listener Paula Ranson...
Our Father, who art in GM Place, hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, GOLD to be WON on ICE as it is IN THE STANDS. Give us this day, our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties, as we forgive those who crosscheck against us. Lead us not into elimination, but deliver us to victory, in the name of the fans, CANADA, and the HOLY PUCK. AMEN...
Joannie Rochette scored the greatest Third Place in HISTORY last night, taking Bronze in a
heart-wrenching, passionate and brave performance, just days after losing her mother suddenly to a heart attack. Your mother is as proud as we are, Joannie!The same night, our Canadian Women's Hockey team took their third Olympic gold in a row, beating the U-S 2-0. Although the young- guard stole the spotlight, with a shutout from Shannon Szabados (who was considered a third-stringer just a few months
ago) and both goals from 18-year old scoring phenom Marie-Philip Poulin, for me, the pride peaked when the cameras focused on Hayley Wickenheiser, the greatest women's hockey player in history, and Team Canada's elder statesperson. To me, Hayley represents everything a Canadian should be... tough, straight forward, not afraid to tell it like it is, and quietly but fiercely patriotic! Her tears of joy brought on mine. Hayley, you are a true Canadian hero!Tonight, our men play for the right to go for the gold on Sunday, most likely against the Americans. I thought I'd pass along the Olympic Hockey Prayer... I read it on the air this morning after getting it from loyal listener Joe Dionne, who got it from loyal listener Paula Ranson...
Our Father, who art in GM Place, hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, GOLD to be WON on ICE as it is IN THE STANDS. Give us this day, our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties, as we forgive those who crosscheck against us. Lead us not into elimination, but deliver us to victory, in the name of the fans, CANADA, and the HOLY PUCK. AMEN...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A Completely DIFFERENT kind of "Bucket List"...
I love broadcasting... but it can be stressful. Every day, every show, every hour is basically a series of judgement calls with regard to what to talk about, what is worthy of airtime, and how to handle particular bits of information. Well, British broadcasters now have some NEW guidelines to follow with regard to how to handle certain breaking news...
The British channel BBC recently re-evaluated whose death would be considered such important news, that they'd immediately interrupt regular programming. They decided that there are only four people who should have that 'honor' . . . The QUEEN . . . her husband, PRINCE PHILIP . . . her son, PRINCE CHARLES . . . and her grandson, PRINCE WILLIAM. If any of them kick the bucket, they'll interrupt "Coronation Street" to let you know.
But the rest of the royal family has been demoted, including Prince
Charles's wife CAMILLA, and Prince Charles and Diana's younger son, PRINCE HARRY. Obviously if any of THEM died, the BBC would still consider it breaking news. They just wouldn't automatically interrupt regular programming.
Other people who are no longer worthy of automatic interruption include the British Prime Minister, the President of the United States, the Dalai Lama, NELSON MANDELA MUHAMMAD ALI, and.... BOB DYLAN (?!?!?!)
The British channel BBC recently re-evaluated whose death would be considered such important news, that they'd immediately interrupt regular programming. They decided that there are only four people who should have that 'honor' . . . The QUEEN . . . her husband, PRINCE PHILIP . . . her son, PRINCE CHARLES . . . and her grandson, PRINCE WILLIAM. If any of them kick the bucket, they'll interrupt "Coronation Street" to let you know.
But the rest of the royal family has been demoted, including Prince
Charles's wife CAMILLA, and Prince Charles and Diana's younger son, PRINCE HARRY. Obviously if any of THEM died, the BBC would still consider it breaking news. They just wouldn't automatically interrupt regular programming.Other people who are no longer worthy of automatic interruption include the British Prime Minister, the President of the United States, the Dalai Lama, NELSON MANDELA MUHAMMAD ALI, and.... BOB DYLAN (?!?!?!)
Take a lesson, Lindsey Vonn...
I personally cannot STAND people who take themselves too seriously. With their whining, crying, excuses and in-fighting, the U-S Women's Downhill skiing team could take a lesson or two from The Norwegian Alpine Ski Team, who paid tribute to MICHAEL JACKSON by dancing to "Beat It" on top of a mountain. The dancers are AKSEL LUND SVINDAL (who's won a Gold, Silver and Bronze so far), KJETIL JANSRUD (who has a Silver), and LARS ELTON MYHRE (whose best finish so far is 18th.) The fourth guy is their coach, TRON MOGER. A round of applause for those of us who are willing to have a sense of humour about ourselves!!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The 'Legends' are BACK!!!
It could be said that I am not above a little shameless self-promotion in much the same way that the ocean is not above the sky. So in that spirit, I'd like to pass along what I feel to be exciting news in the world of "me"...
As you may know, I was a professional musician long before I ever got involved in radio, and last year, after a nearly two-decade hiatus from the Saint John music scene, I got a band together. "The Accidental Legends" played a couple of
dozen gigs last year at various venues, including playing for the 10,000 folks who showed up at the New River Beach Sand Sculpture Competition, and a set at Big John's "TrailerStock '09" during our Food Drive before Christmas. We made lots of friends, and even a couple of fans! Unfortunately, late last year we had some personnel issues and had to take a break to work in a new member.
Well, now, we're BACK! The Accidental
Legends play their comeback gig at KV Billiards Saturday, March 13th, with brand new guitarist Jeff Scott!! You may have seen Jeff playing with "Class of '85" at various venues, including a set at "TrailerStock" (Class of '85 will still be playing, btw!) You may also remember Jeff as the Runner-Up in our Halloween costume contest a couple of years back, with an AMAZING Gene Simmons costume!
You can check out "The Accidental Legends" on our facebook page HERE! HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL OUT to catch the new lineup, with a few new tunes and all the old favourites!!
Meantime, here's a little video of the LAST time we were at the Billiards with the OLD lineup... our VERY FIRST public appearance...
As you may know, I was a professional musician long before I ever got involved in radio, and last year, after a nearly two-decade hiatus from the Saint John music scene, I got a band together. "The Accidental Legends" played a couple of
dozen gigs last year at various venues, including playing for the 10,000 folks who showed up at the New River Beach Sand Sculpture Competition, and a set at Big John's "TrailerStock '09" during our Food Drive before Christmas. We made lots of friends, and even a couple of fans! Unfortunately, late last year we had some personnel issues and had to take a break to work in a new member.Well, now, we're BACK! The Accidental
Legends play their comeback gig at KV Billiards Saturday, March 13th, with brand new guitarist Jeff Scott!! You may have seen Jeff playing with "Class of '85" at various venues, including a set at "TrailerStock" (Class of '85 will still be playing, btw!) You may also remember Jeff as the Runner-Up in our Halloween costume contest a couple of years back, with an AMAZING Gene Simmons costume!You can check out "The Accidental Legends" on our facebook page HERE! HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL OUT to catch the new lineup, with a few new tunes and all the old favourites!!
Meantime, here's a little video of the LAST time we were at the Billiards with the OLD lineup... our VERY FIRST public appearance...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
You thought SNOWBOARDCROSS was bad...?!?!
If you're one of those people who have a problem with all these new extreme sports being included in the Olympics, you're gonna LOOOOVE this one...
Something called the International Pole Dancing Fitness Association is hoping to get Pole Dancing recognized as an Olympic sport!!
According to the founder of the IPDFA, "There will be a day when the Olympics sees pole dancing as a sport. An organization called Vertical Dance is trying to get the International Olympic Committee to recognize pole dancing as a sport, test it in 2012, then give medals in 2016. And what better place to debut pole dancing than Rio?
Obviously, these guys haven't researched this very well, or they'd know that the deadline for new sports for the 2012 London Summer Games passed a LOOONG time ago!
Vertical Dance calls the pole ''a physically demanding form of gymnastics, dance, and fitness'' and compares it to other underground sports like snowboarding that have gotten the nod from the I.O.C.
They have about 4,000 signatures for their online petition "Get Pole Dancing in the Olympics". If you'd like, you can add your name HERE.
Guys, you have to admit, it'd be more entertaining to watch than ICE DANCE...or WOULD it (see right)?
Something called the International Pole Dancing Fitness Association is hoping to get Pole Dancing recognized as an Olympic sport!!According to the founder of the IPDFA, "There will be a day when the Olympics sees pole dancing as a sport. An organization called Vertical Dance is trying to get the International Olympic Committee to recognize pole dancing as a sport, test it in 2012, then give medals in 2016. And what better place to debut pole dancing than Rio?
Obviously, these guys haven't researched this very well, or they'd know that the deadline for new sports for the 2012 London Summer Games passed a LOOONG time ago!
Vertical Dance calls the pole ''a physically demanding form of gymnastics, dance, and fitness'' and compares it to other underground sports like snowboarding that have gotten the nod from the I.O.C.
They have about 4,000 signatures for their online petition "Get Pole Dancing in the Olympics". If you'd like, you can add your name HERE.
Guys, you have to admit, it'd be more entertaining to watch than ICE DANCE...or WOULD it (see right)?
Monday, February 22, 2010
Three BIG Hockey "STFU'S"...
Three quick observations on last night's hockey game, directed at three different people...
#1- To Marty Brodeur... Marty, it's not at all cool to throw your teammates under the bus after the game... ESPECIALLY considering that YOU lost us the game!! Your bonehead rookie moves COST US TWO GOALS,
plus the empty-netter which wouldn't have happened if we were WINNING by a goal, like we should have been, instead of LOSING by a goal, like we were, thanks to YOU! To say to the media after the game that you thought you made a "couple of saves" that should have "turned things around" but your teammates blew it by taking penalties is RIDICULOUS... and would be even if it wasn't YOUR fault, not theirs!! The fact is, Ryan Miller outplayed you! Roberto Luongo should play the rest of the tournament, Marc-Andre Fleury should back him up, and YOU should SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!!!
#2- To American Sportscasters and sports-talk radio anchors... your team did NOT "outplay" our team... your team is not "better" than our team... ONE PLAYER... your GOALIE... was better than our goalie. Have a look at the stats... shots-on-goal, scoring chances... we outplayed you TWO-TO-ONE... and if your goalie continues to steal games for you and you manage to make it back to meet us again, we will OUTPLAY YOU AGAIN!! Hopefully THIS time, Roberto Luongo will be in net and we will BEAT YOU... it's STILL OUR GAME... GET OVER IT!!
#3- To Gary Bettman... PLEASE give up your futile and destructive mission to make hockey relevant in the United States and step down as NHL Commissioner. Last night's game was arguably the biggest sports story on the PLANET on the weekend and CERTAINLY the HIGHLIGHT of the Olympics. Yet HERE is how important hockey is to Americans... their Olympic network, NBC, decided that ICE DANCING was more important to show on the main network, relegating the hockey game to their cable network, msNBC, which not everyone even HAS in the States! It would be like showing it on TSN2 here in Canada instead of CTV! Bettman, you've RUINED hockey with your America-centric decision-making throughout your tenure. You've OVER-STAYED your welcome, and it's clear your efforts to bring hockey up to the popularity level of the NBA, NFL and Major League Baseball in the States have not worked, and, indeed, are FUTILE!! If LAST NIGHT'S epic matchup wasn't worthy of network coverage, the Americans will NEVER hold hockey in any kind of esteem. Watch how much NETWORK coverage Tiger Woods' first tourney back receives... if you can't best GOLF (arguably the most BORING television sport in HISTORY), then you've lost... now SHUT UP and GO AWAY so we can get our Canadian teams back from the half-assed mid-sized American markets you WHORED THEM OUT TO!!!!
...stay tuned... some day I may tell you how I REALLY feel...
#1- To Marty Brodeur... Marty, it's not at all cool to throw your teammates under the bus after the game... ESPECIALLY considering that YOU lost us the game!! Your bonehead rookie moves COST US TWO GOALS,
plus the empty-netter which wouldn't have happened if we were WINNING by a goal, like we should have been, instead of LOSING by a goal, like we were, thanks to YOU! To say to the media after the game that you thought you made a "couple of saves" that should have "turned things around" but your teammates blew it by taking penalties is RIDICULOUS... and would be even if it wasn't YOUR fault, not theirs!! The fact is, Ryan Miller outplayed you! Roberto Luongo should play the rest of the tournament, Marc-Andre Fleury should back him up, and YOU should SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!!!#2- To American Sportscasters and sports-talk radio anchors... your team did NOT "outplay" our team... your team is not "better" than our team... ONE PLAYER... your GOALIE... was better than our goalie. Have a look at the stats... shots-on-goal, scoring chances... we outplayed you TWO-TO-ONE... and if your goalie continues to steal games for you and you manage to make it back to meet us again, we will OUTPLAY YOU AGAIN!! Hopefully THIS time, Roberto Luongo will be in net and we will BEAT YOU... it's STILL OUR GAME... GET OVER IT!!
#3- To Gary Bettman... PLEASE give up your futile and destructive mission to make hockey relevant in the United States and step down as NHL Commissioner. Last night's game was arguably the biggest sports story on the PLANET on the weekend and CERTAINLY the HIGHLIGHT of the Olympics. Yet HERE is how important hockey is to Americans... their Olympic network, NBC, decided that ICE DANCING was more important to show on the main network, relegating the hockey game to their cable network, msNBC, which not everyone even HAS in the States! It would be like showing it on TSN2 here in Canada instead of CTV! Bettman, you've RUINED hockey with your America-centric decision-making throughout your tenure. You've OVER-STAYED your welcome, and it's clear your efforts to bring hockey up to the popularity level of the NBA, NFL and Major League Baseball in the States have not worked, and, indeed, are FUTILE!! If LAST NIGHT'S epic matchup wasn't worthy of network coverage, the Americans will NEVER hold hockey in any kind of esteem. Watch how much NETWORK coverage Tiger Woods' first tourney back receives... if you can't best GOLF (arguably the most BORING television sport in HISTORY), then you've lost... now SHUT UP and GO AWAY so we can get our Canadian teams back from the half-assed mid-sized American markets you WHORED THEM OUT TO!!!!
...stay tuned... some day I may tell you how I REALLY feel...
Friday, February 19, 2010
Bored at the Office...?
Here's a little something I got in an email that I just HAD to pass along... gotta love those Aussies...
What to do when you are bored at work ...
1. Kill a few Flies
2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.
3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your imagination flow.
Here are a few examples...
What to do when you are bored at work ...
1. Kill a few Flies
2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.
3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your imagination flow.
Here are a few examples...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Got Wood..?
Adam Starr lives in Tempe, Arizona and apparently likes "sticking it to the man"... so to speak. A couple weeks ago, he learned he was going to have to cut down a pine tree in his backyard, so he invited some friends over to help him out. But after having a few drinks, Adam's friends decided that instead of chopping the tree down, it would be more fun to carve it into the shape of a GIANT PENIS.Adam was forced by authorities to cut the remainder of the tree down, but not before it stood 'erect' for several days for all to see.
As my wife commented, brings a whole new meaning to the word "woodpecker"... (see why I love her?)
Where's PETA when you REALLY need them?!
If you're the sort of person who enjoys torturing your dog by making the poor thing wear CLOTHES, then you're going to love this!
There's a company in Seattle called Pants for Dogs that sells cummerbunds, panties and THONGS for dogs.
According to their website, Pants for Dogs, quote, "help owners control dog urination and prevent household accidents. They are perfect for travelers who want to let their dogs run worry-free in hotel rooms or in someone else's home . . .
"Pants for Dogs products are fun and fashionable, and, in the case of the thong, even a little sassy. But, most importantly, they are functional."
If you're interested, just go to Pantsfordogs.com. Cummerbunds for male dogs sell for $20 to $25 (US). And panties for female dogs sell for $25 to $35 (US), depending on the style.
This has GOT to be the most RIDICULOUS thing I've seen in ages... a THONG for your DOG?!?!?! Can you IMAGINE?! I wouldn't be caught DEAD putting a thong on one of MY dogs!! Now if they made a thong for HORSES, that would be TOTALLY different and incredibly cool... :-P
There's a company in Seattle called Pants for Dogs that sells cummerbunds, panties and THONGS for dogs.
According to their website, Pants for Dogs, quote, "help owners control dog urination and prevent household accidents. They are perfect for travelers who want to let their dogs run worry-free in hotel rooms or in someone else's home . . ."Pants for Dogs products are fun and fashionable, and, in the case of the thong, even a little sassy. But, most importantly, they are functional."
If you're interested, just go to Pantsfordogs.com. Cummerbunds for male dogs sell for $20 to $25 (US). And panties for female dogs sell for $25 to $35 (US), depending on the style.
This has GOT to be the most RIDICULOUS thing I've seen in ages... a THONG for your DOG?!?!?! Can you IMAGINE?! I wouldn't be caught DEAD putting a thong on one of MY dogs!! Now if they made a thong for HORSES, that would be TOTALLY different and incredibly cool... :-P
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Wish I had THIS much time on MY hands...
Billions of years of Earth's history has been summed up in only three minutes, thanks to a brilliant 21-hundred page flip-book animation that has received more than one-million views on YouTube. I tried to embed this puppy, but it's wide screen, so to get the full effect, click HERE
Protest, or Last Desperate Attempt at Love?
If you've been following the gay marriage debate, you know that one of the major knocks against it is that it violates the "sanctity" of marriage.
Well, a guy from Orlando named Brian Feldman doesn't buy it. So last week, he put up a post on facebook saying he'd marry ANYBODY who showed up at the courthouse on Friday morning.
The idea was to show that marriage between a man and a woman isn't necessarily "sanctified," it's just between members of the opposite sex.
Anyway, three women showed up at the courthouse. And after playing spin-the-bottle to determine which one Brian would marry, he tied the knot with a COMPLETE STRANGER named Hannah Miller.
I dunno.... is it just me, or did anyone else take one look at this picture of Brian's balding, geeky mug and think this was all a stunt just to get SOMEONE to marry him?
Well, a guy from Orlando named Brian Feldman doesn't buy it. So last week, he put up a post on facebook saying he'd marry ANYBODY who showed up at the courthouse on Friday morning.
The idea was to show that marriage between a man and a woman isn't necessarily "sanctified," it's just between members of the opposite sex.Anyway, three women showed up at the courthouse. And after playing spin-the-bottle to determine which one Brian would marry, he tied the knot with a COMPLETE STRANGER named Hannah Miller.
I dunno.... is it just me, or did anyone else take one look at this picture of Brian's balding, geeky mug and think this was all a stunt just to get SOMEONE to marry him?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
It's Not MY Fault, Your Honour...
Is it just me, or have we become the "Generation of Excuses"? It seems people nowadays will blame nearly ANYTHING, no matter how RIDICULOUS sounding it may be, instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. If they aren't blaming a fast food restaurant for their obesity or cigarette makers for their medical ailments, they're blaming the way their parents brought them up for their heinous crimes! Well, now the so-called "Cogniscenti" are giving an assist.
In 2012, the American Psychiatric Association is going to release a new edition of the "Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders", which you can think of as a sort of "bible" for psychiatric disorders.
Anyway, there's a version of the manual online, and it includes nearly 300 conditions, including several new disorders that, to be honest, don't sound like "disorders" at all. Here's what I'm talking about . . .
--If you're passive and inactive, you're not just lazy . . . you have Sluggish Cognitive Tempo Disorder.
--If you're going through a divorce and are having a hard time getting along with your ex, you're not just having a normal reaction to major emotional stress . . . you have Relational Disorder.
--If you're always complaining, you might not just be a whiner . . . you have Negativistic Personality Disorder.
--If you sometimes lose your temper and suddenly become very angry, you don't just have a bad temper . . . you have Intermittent Explosive Disorder.
--If you get a kick out of being appalled by pornography and other obscenities, you're not just a self-righteous prude . . . you have Mary Whitehouse Syndrome.
--If your kid is uncomfortable with his or her gender, they're not just struggling to figure out their sexuality and define who they are . . . they have Gender Incongruence.
--If you can't stop picking up bar skanks, you're not just a male slut with a high sex drive . . . you've got Hypersexual Disorder.
--If you get really moody when you're PMSing, you're not just a normal woman . . . you've got Premenstrual Dysphonic Disorder.
--And if you don't buy into every hippy environmentalist's latest scare tactic, you're not just a rational-thinking pragmatist, you've got Nature Deficit Disorder.
If you'd like to check out the 300 conditions in the APA's online manual to see if there's anything that you might be able to use the next time YOU'RE in trouble, you can read it HERE.
In 2012, the American Psychiatric Association is going to release a new edition of the "Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders", which you can think of as a sort of "bible" for psychiatric disorders.
Anyway, there's a version of the manual online, and it includes nearly 300 conditions, including several new disorders that, to be honest, don't sound like "disorders" at all. Here's what I'm talking about . . .
--If you're passive and inactive, you're not just lazy . . . you have Sluggish Cognitive Tempo Disorder.
--If you're going through a divorce and are having a hard time getting along with your ex, you're not just having a normal reaction to major emotional stress . . . you have Relational Disorder.
--If you're always complaining, you might not just be a whiner . . . you have Negativistic Personality Disorder.
--If you sometimes lose your temper and suddenly become very angry, you don't just have a bad temper . . . you have Intermittent Explosive Disorder.
--If you get a kick out of being appalled by pornography and other obscenities, you're not just a self-righteous prude . . . you have Mary Whitehouse Syndrome.
--If your kid is uncomfortable with his or her gender, they're not just struggling to figure out their sexuality and define who they are . . . they have Gender Incongruence.
--If you can't stop picking up bar skanks, you're not just a male slut with a high sex drive . . . you've got Hypersexual Disorder.
--If you get really moody when you're PMSing, you're not just a normal woman . . . you've got Premenstrual Dysphonic Disorder.
--And if you don't buy into every hippy environmentalist's latest scare tactic, you're not just a rational-thinking pragmatist, you've got Nature Deficit Disorder.
If you'd like to check out the 300 conditions in the APA's online manual to see if there's anything that you might be able to use the next time YOU'RE in trouble, you can read it HERE.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The BORE-TONA 500!
Anyone who knows me knows I LOOOOOOOVE Nascar, and especially with the rule changes this year that are designed to allow drivers to mix it up a little more and bring stock car racing back to the "contact sport" it always was, I was STOKED for the start of the season this weekend. On paper, yesterday's Daytona 500 was a GREAT race... broke the record for lead changes, a few wrecks, and a fantastic final 20 laps with an unexpected and incredibly grateful winner.
Unfortunately, I found the majority of it fairly BORING! The drivers didn't really take advantage of their newfound freedom until late in the race, making the first 130 laps rather mundane, despite the frequent lead
changes. Waiting around through TWO HOURS of POTHOLE REPAIR didn't help (as I remarked on the air this morning during the Hot Button, Nascar is considering changing the name of the event to "The Rothesay Avenue 500"!)
You can't blame the drivers. In ANY 500 mile race, the name of the game is to be around at the end. I think NASCAR needs to look at some rule changes to make these races more exciting from start to finish. Making a WIN worth FAR more points than second place and on back would be a help, but the real issue is making things more exciting early. Nascar USED to award points to the person leading at the halfway point, which was helpful. I'm not sure why they got rid of THAT rule, but I think they need to bring IT back and perhaps go a step further.
What if, in a 500 mile race, points were awarded for the person leading at the 100, 200, 300 and 400 mile marks? In addition, instead of just giving bonus points for leading the most laps in the ENTIRE race, what about giving additional bonus points for the person leading the majority of the laps in each 100 mile segment? This would give drivers the incentive to "go for it" from the drop of the green, instead of hanging around at the back of the pack and waiting until the final few laps to give it everything they've got.
Mind you, I think yesterday's race would have been a LOT more exciting if they'd actually listened to a lot of the drivers who jokingly said that they should have just put a cone over the pothole in turn 2 and told everybody to go around it!
So, in THAT spirit, here are my TOP FIVE WAYS TO MAKE NASCAR RACES MORE INTERESTING...
5- Switch from the "Car of Tomorrow" to the "Beater You Owned In High School"...
4- Make every second event a RELAY RACE...
3- Two words.... TRAFFIC LIGHTS!
2- Install speakers behind driver's seat that constantly blare "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
and the number one way to make Nascar races more exciting...
...do a lap... chug.... do a lap... chug....
Unfortunately, I found the majority of it fairly BORING! The drivers didn't really take advantage of their newfound freedom until late in the race, making the first 130 laps rather mundane, despite the frequent lead
changes. Waiting around through TWO HOURS of POTHOLE REPAIR didn't help (as I remarked on the air this morning during the Hot Button, Nascar is considering changing the name of the event to "The Rothesay Avenue 500"!)You can't blame the drivers. In ANY 500 mile race, the name of the game is to be around at the end. I think NASCAR needs to look at some rule changes to make these races more exciting from start to finish. Making a WIN worth FAR more points than second place and on back would be a help, but the real issue is making things more exciting early. Nascar USED to award points to the person leading at the halfway point, which was helpful. I'm not sure why they got rid of THAT rule, but I think they need to bring IT back and perhaps go a step further.
What if, in a 500 mile race, points were awarded for the person leading at the 100, 200, 300 and 400 mile marks? In addition, instead of just giving bonus points for leading the most laps in the ENTIRE race, what about giving additional bonus points for the person leading the majority of the laps in each 100 mile segment? This would give drivers the incentive to "go for it" from the drop of the green, instead of hanging around at the back of the pack and waiting until the final few laps to give it everything they've got.
Mind you, I think yesterday's race would have been a LOT more exciting if they'd actually listened to a lot of the drivers who jokingly said that they should have just put a cone over the pothole in turn 2 and told everybody to go around it!
So, in THAT spirit, here are my TOP FIVE WAYS TO MAKE NASCAR RACES MORE INTERESTING...
5- Switch from the "Car of Tomorrow" to the "Beater You Owned In High School"...
4- Make every second event a RELAY RACE...
3- Two words.... TRAFFIC LIGHTS!
2- Install speakers behind driver's seat that constantly blare "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
and the number one way to make Nascar races more exciting...
...do a lap... chug.... do a lap... chug....
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Valentine's On-Air Proposal...
Congrats to Tony Melo and his loverley now-bride-to-be, Lisa Vautour! Tony won a Thousand Dollar Diamond Ring from Big John and Charm Diamond Centre, and then proposed to Lisa LIVE ON THE AIR this morning!!! Tony is off to train with the Navy in just a couple of weeks and wanted to propose, but couldn't afford the ring yet... Click below to hear it!!
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