GOD, I love Canada!!!!

I LOVE my country. I was UNBELIEVABLY PROUD to carry the torch, and that makes today all the more special fo me. Rarely has there been a prouder day to be a Canadian!

Joannie Rochette scored the greatest Third Place in HISTORY last night, taking Bronze in a heart-wrenching, passionate and brave performance, just days after losing her mother suddenly to a heart attack. Your mother is as proud as we are, Joannie!

The same night, our Canadian Women's Hockey team took their third Olympic gold in a row, beating the U-S 2-0. Although the young- guard stole the spotlight, with a shutout from Shannon Szabados (who was considered a third-stringer just a few months ago) and both goals from 18-year old scoring phenom Marie-Philip Poulin, for me, the pride peaked when the cameras focused on Hayley Wickenheiser, the greatest women's hockey player in history, and Team Canada's elder statesperson. To me, Hayley represents everything a Canadian should be... tough, straight forward, not afraid to tell it like it is, and quietly but fiercely patriotic! Her tears of joy brought on mine. Hayley, you are a true Canadian hero!

Tonight, our men play for the right to go for the gold on Sunday, most likely against the Americans. I thought I'd pass along the Olympic Hockey Prayer... I read it on the air this morning after getting it from loyal listener Joe Dionne, who got it from loyal listener Paula Ranson...

Our Father, who art in GM Place, hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, GOLD to be WON on ICE as it is IN THE STANDS. Give us this day, our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties, as we forgive those who crosscheck against us. Lead us not into elimination, but deliver us to victory, in the name of the fans, CANADA, and the HOLY PUCK. AMEN...

A Completely DIFFERENT kind of "Bucket List"...

I love broadcasting... but it can be stressful. Every day, every show, every hour is basically a series of judgement calls with regard to what to talk about, what is worthy of airtime, and how to handle particular bits of information. Well, British broadcasters now have some NEW guidelines to follow with regard to how to handle certain breaking news...

The British channel BBC recently re-evaluated whose death would be considered such important news, that they'd immediately interrupt regular programming. They decided that there are only four people who should have that 'honor' . . . The QUEEN . . . her husband, PRINCE PHILIP . . . her son, PRINCE CHARLES . . . and her grandson, PRINCE WILLIAM. If any of them kick the bucket, they'll interrupt "Coronation Street" to let you know.

But the rest of the royal family has been demoted, including Prince Charles's wife CAMILLA, and Prince Charles and Diana's younger son, PRINCE HARRY. Obviously if any of THEM died, the BBC would still consider it breaking news. They just wouldn't automatically interrupt regular programming.

Other people who are no longer worthy of automatic interruption include the British Prime Minister, the President of the United States, the Dalai Lama, NELSON MANDELA MUHAMMAD ALI, and.... BOB DYLAN (?!?!?!)

Take a lesson, Lindsey Vonn...

I personally cannot STAND people who take themselves too seriously. With their whining, crying, excuses and in-fighting, the U-S Women's Downhill skiing team could take a lesson or two from The Norwegian Alpine Ski Team, who paid tribute to MICHAEL JACKSON by dancing to "Beat It" on top of a mountain. The dancers are AKSEL LUND SVINDAL (who's won a Gold, Silver and Bronze so far), KJETIL JANSRUD (who has a Silver), and LARS ELTON MYHRE (whose best finish so far is 18th.) The fourth guy is their coach, TRON MOGER. A round of applause for those of us who are willing to have a sense of humour about ourselves!!

The 'Legends' are BACK!!!

It could be said that I am not above a little shameless self-promotion in much the same way that the ocean is not above the sky. So in that spirit, I'd like to pass along what I feel to be exciting news in the world of "me"...

As you may know, I was a professional musician long before I ever got involved in radio, and last year, after a nearly two-decade hiatus from the Saint John music scene, I got a band together. "The Accidental Legends" played a couple of dozen gigs last year at various venues, including playing for the 10,000 folks who showed up at the New River Beach Sand Sculpture Competition, and a set at Big John's "TrailerStock '09" during our Food Drive before Christmas. We made lots of friends, and even a couple of fans! Unfortunately, late last year we had some personnel issues and had to take a break to work in a new member.

Well, now, we're BACK! The Accidental Legends play their comeback gig at KV Billiards Saturday, March 13th, with brand new guitarist Jeff Scott!! You may have seen Jeff playing with "Class of '85" at various venues, including a set at "TrailerStock" (Class of '85 will still be playing, btw!) You may also remember Jeff as the Runner-Up in our Halloween costume contest a couple of years back, with an AMAZING Gene Simmons costume!

You can check out "The Accidental Legends" on our facebook page HERE! HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL OUT to catch the new lineup, with a few new tunes and all the old favourites!!

Meantime, here's a little video of the LAST time we were at the Billiards with the OLD lineup... our VERY FIRST public appearance...

You thought SNOWBOARDCROSS was bad...?!?!

If you're one of those people who have a problem with all these new extreme sports being included in the Olympics, you're gonna LOOOOVE this one...

Something called the International Pole Dancing Fitness Association is hoping to get Pole Dancing recognized as an Olympic sport!!

According to the founder of the IPDFA, "There will be a day when the Olympics sees pole dancing as a sport. An organization called Vertical Dance is trying to get the International Olympic Committee to recognize pole dancing as a sport, test it in 2012, then give medals in 2016. And what better place to debut pole dancing than Rio?

Obviously, these guys haven't researched this very well, or they'd know that the deadline for new sports for the 2012 London Summer Games passed a LOOONG time ago!

Vertical Dance calls the pole ''a physically demanding form of gymnastics, dance, and fitness'' and compares it to other underground sports like snowboarding that have gotten the nod from the I.O.C.

They have about 4,000 signatures for their online petition "Get Pole Dancing in the Olympics". If you'd like, you can add your name HERE.

Guys, you have to admit, it'd be more entertaining to watch than ICE DANCE...or WOULD it (see right)?

Three BIG Hockey "STFU'S"...

Three quick observations on last night's hockey game, directed at three different people...

#1- To Marty Brodeur... Marty, it's not at all cool to throw your teammates under the bus after the game... ESPECIALLY considering that YOU lost us the game!! Your bonehead rookie moves COST US TWO GOALS, plus the empty-netter which wouldn't have happened if we were WINNING by a goal, like we should have been, instead of LOSING by a goal, like we were, thanks to YOU! To say to the media after the game that you thought you made a "couple of saves" that should have "turned things around" but your teammates blew it by taking penalties is RIDICULOUS... and would be even if it wasn't YOUR fault, not theirs!! The fact is, Ryan Miller outplayed you! Roberto Luongo should play the rest of the tournament, Marc-Andre Fleury should back him up, and YOU should SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!!!

#2- To American Sportscasters and sports-talk radio anchors... your team did NOT "outplay" our team... your team is not "better" than our team... ONE PLAYER... your GOALIE... was better than our goalie. Have a look at the stats... shots-on-goal, scoring chances... we outplayed you TWO-TO-ONE... and if your goalie continues to steal games for you and you manage to make it back to meet us again, we will OUTPLAY YOU AGAIN!! Hopefully THIS time, Roberto Luongo will be in net and we will BEAT YOU... it's STILL OUR GAME... GET OVER IT!!

#3- To Gary Bettman... PLEASE give up your futile and destructive mission to make hockey relevant in the United States and step down as NHL Commissioner. Last night's game was arguably the biggest sports story on the PLANET on the weekend and CERTAINLY the HIGHLIGHT of the Olympics. Yet HERE is how important hockey is to Americans... their Olympic network, NBC, decided that ICE DANCING was more important to show on the main network, relegating the hockey game to their cable network, msNBC, which not everyone even HAS in the States! It would be like showing it on TSN2 here in Canada instead of CTV! Bettman, you've RUINED hockey with your America-centric decision-making throughout your tenure. You've OVER-STAYED your welcome, and it's clear your efforts to bring hockey up to the popularity level of the NBA, NFL and Major League Baseball in the States have not worked, and, indeed, are FUTILE!! If LAST NIGHT'S epic matchup wasn't worthy of network coverage, the Americans will NEVER hold hockey in any kind of esteem. Watch how much NETWORK coverage Tiger Woods' first tourney back receives... if you can't best GOLF (arguably the most BORING television sport in HISTORY), then you've lost... now SHUT UP and GO AWAY so we can get our Canadian teams back from the half-assed mid-sized American markets you WHORED THEM OUT TO!!!!

...stay tuned... some day I may tell you how I REALLY feel...

Bored at the Office...?

Here's a little something I got in an email that I just HAD to pass along... gotta love those Aussies...

What to do when you are bored at work ...

1. Kill a few Flies
2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.
3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your imagination flow.

Here are a few examples...

Got Wood..?

Adam Starr lives in Tempe, Arizona and apparently likes "sticking it to the man"... so to speak. A couple weeks ago, he learned he was going to have to cut down a pine tree in his backyard, so he invited some friends over to help him out. But after having a few drinks, Adam's friends decided that instead of chopping the tree down, it would be more fun to carve it into the shape of a GIANT PENIS.

Adam was forced by authorities to cut the remainder of the tree down, but not before it stood 'erect' for several days for all to see.

As my wife commented, brings a whole new meaning to the word "woodpecker"... (see why I love her?)

Where's PETA when you REALLY need them?!

If you're the sort of person who enjoys torturing your dog by making the poor thing wear CLOTHES, then you're going to love this!

There's a company in Seattle called Pants for Dogs that sells cummerbunds, panties and THONGS for dogs.

According to their website, Pants for Dogs, quote, "help owners control dog urination and prevent household accidents. They are perfect for travelers who want to let their dogs run worry-free in hotel rooms or in someone else's home . . .

"Pants for Dogs products are fun and fashionable, and, in the case of the thong, even a little sassy. But, most importantly, they are functional."

If you're interested, just go to Pantsfordogs.com. Cummerbunds for male dogs sell for $20 to $25 (US). And panties for female dogs sell for $25 to $35 (US), depending on the style.

This has GOT to be the most RIDICULOUS thing I've seen in ages... a THONG for your DOG?!?!?! Can you IMAGINE?! I wouldn't be caught DEAD putting a thong on one of MY dogs!! Now if they made a thong for HORSES, that would be TOTALLY different and incredibly cool... :-P

Wish I had THIS much time on MY hands...

Billions of years of Earth's history has been summed up in only three minutes, thanks to a brilliant 21-hundred page flip-book animation that has received more than one-million views on YouTube. I tried to embed this puppy, but it's wide screen, so to get the full effect, click HERE

Protest, or Last Desperate Attempt at Love?

If you've been following the gay marriage debate, you know that one of the major knocks against it is that it violates the "sanctity" of marriage.

Well, a guy from Orlando named Brian Feldman doesn't buy it. So last week, he put up a post on facebook saying he'd marry ANYBODY who showed up at the courthouse on Friday morning.

The idea was to show that marriage between a man and a woman isn't necessarily "sanctified," it's just between members of the opposite sex.

Anyway, three women showed up at the courthouse. And after playing spin-the-bottle to determine which one Brian would marry, he tied the knot with a COMPLETE STRANGER named Hannah Miller.

I dunno.... is it just me, or did anyone else take one look at this picture of Brian's balding, geeky mug and think this was all a stunt just to get SOMEONE to marry him?

It's Not MY Fault, Your Honour...

Is it just me, or have we become the "Generation of Excuses"? It seems people nowadays will blame nearly ANYTHING, no matter how RIDICULOUS sounding it may be, instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. If they aren't blaming a fast food restaurant for their obesity or cigarette makers for their medical ailments, they're blaming the way their parents brought them up for their heinous crimes! Well, now the so-called "Cogniscenti" are giving an assist.

In 2012, the American Psychiatric Association is going to release a new edition of the "Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders", which you can think of as a sort of "bible" for psychiatric disorders.

Anyway, there's a version of the manual online, and it includes nearly 300 conditions, including several new disorders that, to be honest, don't sound like "disorders" at all. Here's what I'm talking about . . .

--If you're passive and inactive, you're not just lazy . . . you have Sluggish Cognitive Tempo Disorder.

--If you're going through a divorce and are having a hard time getting along with your ex, you're not just having a normal reaction to major emotional stress . . . you have Relational Disorder.

--If you're always complaining, you might not just be a whiner . . . you have Negativistic Personality Disorder.

--If you sometimes lose your temper and suddenly become very angry, you don't just have a bad temper . . . you have Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

--If you get a kick out of being appalled by pornography and other obscenities, you're not just a self-righteous prude . . . you have Mary Whitehouse Syndrome.

--If your kid is uncomfortable with his or her gender, they're not just struggling to figure out their sexuality and define who they are . . . they have Gender Incongruence.

--If you can't stop picking up bar skanks, you're not just a male slut with a high sex drive . . . you've got Hypersexual Disorder.

--If you get really moody when you're PMSing, you're not just a normal woman . . . you've got Premenstrual Dysphonic Disorder.

--And if you don't buy into every hippy environmentalist's latest scare tactic, you're not just a rational-thinking pragmatist, you've got Nature Deficit Disorder.

If you'd like to check out the 300 conditions in the APA's online manual to see if there's anything that you might be able to use the next time YOU'RE in trouble, you can read it HERE.

The BORE-TONA 500!

Anyone who knows me knows I LOOOOOOOVE Nascar, and especially with the rule changes this year that are designed to allow drivers to mix it up a little more and bring stock car racing back to the "contact sport" it always was, I was STOKED for the start of the season this weekend. On paper, yesterday's Daytona 500 was a GREAT race... broke the record for lead changes, a few wrecks, and a fantastic final 20 laps with an unexpected and incredibly grateful winner.

Unfortunately, I found the majority of it fairly BORING! The drivers didn't really take advantage of their newfound freedom until late in the race, making the first 130 laps rather mundane, despite the frequent lead changes. Waiting around through TWO HOURS of POTHOLE REPAIR didn't help (as I remarked on the air this morning during the Hot Button, Nascar is considering changing the name of the event to "The Rothesay Avenue 500"!)

You can't blame the drivers. In ANY 500 mile race, the name of the game is to be around at the end. I think NASCAR needs to look at some rule changes to make these races more exciting from start to finish. Making a WIN worth FAR more points than second place and on back would be a help, but the real issue is making things more exciting early. Nascar USED to award points to the person leading at the halfway point, which was helpful. I'm not sure why they got rid of THAT rule, but I think they need to bring IT back and perhaps go a step further.

What if, in a 500 mile race, points were awarded for the person leading at the 100, 200, 300 and 400 mile marks? In addition, instead of just giving bonus points for leading the most laps in the ENTIRE race, what about giving additional bonus points for the person leading the majority of the laps in each 100 mile segment? This would give drivers the incentive to "go for it" from the drop of the green, instead of hanging around at the back of the pack and waiting until the final few laps to give it everything they've got.

Mind you, I think yesterday's race would have been a LOT more exciting if they'd actually listened to a lot of the drivers who jokingly said that they should have just put a cone over the pothole in turn 2 and told everybody to go around it!

So, in THAT spirit, here are my TOP FIVE WAYS TO MAKE NASCAR RACES MORE INTERESTING...

5- Switch from the "Car of Tomorrow" to the "Beater You Owned In High School"...

4- Make every second event a RELAY RACE...

3- Two words.... TRAFFIC LIGHTS!

2- Install speakers behind driver's seat that constantly blare "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

and the number one way to make Nascar races more exciting...

...do a lap... chug.... do a lap... chug....

A Valentine's On-Air Proposal...

Congrats to Tony Melo and his loverley now-bride-to-be, Lisa Vautour! Tony won a Thousand Dollar Diamond Ring from Big John and Charm Diamond Centre, and then proposed to Lisa LIVE ON THE AIR this morning!!! Tony is off to train with the Navy in just a couple of weeks and wanted to propose, but couldn't afford the ring yet... Click below to hear it!!

Bring me the Head of Colonel Harlan Sanders...

Last month, someone stole a bronze bust of COLONEL SANDERS from the lobby of a KFC restaurant in Berea, Kentucky.

The bust is worth about $1,200. And now, KFC is offering a $500 reward for information leading to its return.

Or rather, they're offering $500 worth of CHICKEN for information leading to its return.

According to a company spokesman, KFC was going to offer a cash reward. But, quote, "we think KFC's world-famous chicken is a better motivator than money."

...because if there's one thing everyone needs in tough economic times like these, it's FRIED CHICKEN.

Porn Addiction...

Why is it that if you somehow have been able to get the term "Doctor" placed in front of your name, you can say just about anything and at least SOME people will take it as gospel? I ran across a "study" that kinda proves that point...

According to this study from the University of Sydney in Australia, addiction to online pornography isn't a "major problem" unless you spend 16 hours a day surfing for smut.

A woman named Dr. Gomathi Sitharthan led the study. She says, "Viewing pornography online becomes a major problem only when people become so preoccupied that they spend 16 to 18 hours a day doing nothing else but watching pornography, with serious impacts on relationships, work, studies, and finances."

In other words, according to this so-called "expert", you could watch pornography from 8:00 A.M. until 11:00 P.M. every day, and according to Dr. Sitharthan, this still wouldn't be considered a "major problem".

Let me just put MY two cents in... According to Dr. Stack, if you spend 15 hours a day looking at online porno, you may not have a "major problem" with pornography addiction, but you're still a "major loser".

I think you needed to hear that.

Only in the U-S...

I know kids sometimes do things that aren't too bright, but THIS is RIDICULOUS...

21-year-olds Charles Gill and Ryan Knight (pictured left) are students at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, Virginia. On Saturday, they decided to take advantage of last weekend's blizzard by throwing shovels full of snow onto the windshield of a city snowplow. So the driver called the cops. But when the cops showed up in an unmarked police car, Charles and Ryan started throwing snow on THEIR car too. And when the officers opened their doors to get out, these two geniuses threw snow INTO the cop car.

Long story short, Charles and Ryan were both arrested and charged with, quote, "throwing missiles at occupied vehicles" which is a felony. If they're convicted, they could get up to $2,500 in fines and FIVE YEARS in prison.

...as long as they steer clear of my daughters...

Carnac Jokes...

For those of you who remember back when the Tonight Show was actually FUNNY, you may appreciate these. Johnny Carson used to do his "Carnac The Magnificent" skit, where he would predict the answers of questions which were sealed in an envelope. Here are some Carnac-Style lines that Johnny might use if he were still around... I call them "Jokes Dyslexic"...

The Answer: "The Book of Eli".
The Question: Name a Denzel Washington movie AND where Peyton Manning's interception play came from?

The Answer: Big Easy.
The Question: Name two words that describe Khloe Kardashian.

The Answer: French Quarter.
The Question: What do you call a quarter that surrenders prematurely?

The Answer: ManCrunch.
The Question: Name a gay-dating website AND what Oprah hears when she's on top of Stedman.

The Answer: "The Wolfman".
The Question: Name a new Benicio Del Toro movie AND what Simon Le Bon answers when you ask him what he's hungry like.

If you've never seen any Carnac stuff, check THIS one out... it's a classic...

Yes, I DO have a juvenile sense of humour...

...and I admit.... Yes, I DID laugh out loud...

A Warning to Philandering Car Lovers...

If you cheat, you deserve what you get... and if you like your car, you may not like what she does for revenge... have a look at some of THESE... (personally, I think you'd be LUCKY if this was all you got!)

Take the $100,000,000-a-year and run....

It looks like Howard Stern, in another desperate attempt to become relevant again, may be making up rumours about himself.

On his radio show yesterday, Stern confirmed supposed reports that Fox is interested in having him replace Simon on "American Idol", and he said he'd be up for it... for the right price.

He said, quote, "There's not a better job on the planet than judging a (expletive deleted) karaoke contest. It might be possible, we'll see. They'd have to pay me a ton of dough, because I already make a ton of dough."

Stern's current deal... which pays him roughly $100 million a year... is set to expire next January. It's unclear whether Sirius XM is interested in extending it.


Supposedly, "Idol" might be willing to match that deal... and naturally, Howard would do it if that were the case. He said, quote, "A hundred-million to judge a karaoke contest? Yeah, I think I would do that show for $100 million.

"It would be the best thing that happened to me. What a cush job: $100 million for four months. Who wouldn't take that?"

But he added, quote, "I'm not going to comment about any discussions I might or might not have had."

"American Idol" producers (not surprisingly) wouldn't comment on this, so I'm willing to bet Howard either is making all this up to get headlines, or is at least jumping on an unsubstantiated rumour and trying to get an extra 15 mintues of fame out of it.

Superbowl Ads

Because our Canadian TV Networks SUCK, we always miss the great Superbowl ads, which for some people, are as entertaining as the game... so, for your viewing pleasure, click HERE to watch them all...
-Stack

LOVE Super Bowl Ads... LOVE Betty White...

...so it's a win-win.... here's a teaser...



In other Betty White news, there's a facebook group urging SNL to have Betty White host the show... Head HERE to join... please... I'm begging you... it'd be AWESOME!!!

Bad Movie Idea # 27,354,297...

NELLY FURTADO will play an overzealous hockey fan in "Score: A Hockey Musical". It stars OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN... think "Grease on Ice"

A Horsey Update

A lot of people have been asking how things are going on the horse front. Dusty arrived at Reachview yesterday afternoon and, following a little macho posturing by the two of them, Clyde and Dusty became fast friends. After sharing a quick meal together, they spent the better part of the afternoon and evening just following each other around.

BTW, here's yet ANOTHER reason I looooove facebook... Not only do I have Bella's previous owner on my facebook and was able to see some old pics of her and her last foal, Billy, but I now have Dusty's former owner as a facebook friend, and so was able to get these pics of him in his glory on track before a case of E.I.P.H. cut his promising career short. Good looking boy when he's in shape and not all winter-coat fuzzy... he's tall and chunky for a Standardbred... almost looks more like a Thoroughbred in these pics!

All Hail The Ring!!

As a public service, I wanted to pass along an easy way for you to diss the oh-so-annoying Justin Beiber, provided you're on facebook... Go here, and help make this simple onion ring more popular than the insipid little teenster...

....it's not MY fault...

Everyone these days talks about their "RIGHTS", but nobody ever seems willing to discuss the RESPONSIBILITIES that go along with those rights. Our whole system of justice is not just based on RIGHTS, but on RESPONSIBILITIES as well... if you don't live up to your RESPONSIBILITIES, we take away your RIGHTS. Perhaps the most disturbing incarnation of this trend is judges allowing people to blame others for their own actions... people suing McDonald's for being fat, for instance! Here's an example I found today...

In 2007, a STRIPPER named Patsy Hamaker was working at The Furnace strip club in Birmingham, Alabama.

One night, Patsy got completely hammered while at work. Her blood-alcohol content was nearly three times the legal limit, and she was so out-of-control that she had to be physically removed from the club's VIP room after causing a scene.


Anyway, Patsy attempted to drive off at least three times, but the club's security guards were able to stop her each time. But on her fourth attempt, Patsy was successful. At which point she proceeded to CRASH her car on the highway, breaking her nose and back.

Then after recovering from her injuries, Patsy decided to bring a $1.2 MILLION lawsuit against The Furnace because they didn't stop her from driving drunk . . . at least not enough times.

And on Tuesday, a jury awarded Patsy $100,000 to cover the cost of her medical bills.

To recap, PATSY got wasted... AT WORK... her employers tried to stop her from driving three times... PATSY finally snuck away and drove under the influence... PATSY crashed her car... and yet the STRIP CLUB is apparently responsible for it all... (?!?!?!)

That's it... I'm suing my parents for passing along a gene pool that prevented me from fulfilling my dream to be a male underwear model...

Why we need to stay in Afghanistan...

...'cos their army needs some help...

Never Piss Off Fido...

On Saturday, an unidentified 53-year-old man was duck hunting with his Labrador Retriever outside of Los Banos, California.

At the end of the day, the guy set his shotgun on the ground while he went to pick up a few decoy ducks about 45 feet away. He figured it would be okay since the gun's safety was on.

But while he was collecting the decoys, the guy's dog stepped on the gun and somehow managed to disengage the safety, while hitting the trigger at the same time.

Long story short, the upper left side of the guy's back was sprayed with buckshot. He was rushed to the hospital, where he was treated and released.

...the dog's name...?... Dick Cheney.

Have you bought your ticket yet?

The extremely rich lead lives so far removed from most of ours that it's impossible to comprehend. It IS fun, though, to think what you'd do if money was no longer an object for you. Where would you go? What would you buy? I think there's one super-rich guy who has it right.

Sir Richard Branson (the "Virgin" dude) is by far, the coolest billionaire in the world. He's got crazy-deep pockets. He owns, among other things, a record label, an airline, a cell phone company, a chain of radio stations and his own Caribbean island (pictured left). He's done some crazy adventure stuff... he's even built a civilian space ship so that rich people with too much money can travel to space.

Well, later this month, Branson will unveil his latest creation... the Necker Nymph... which is a plane that "flies" UNDERWATER.

According to officials, the prototype for the Necker Nymph (pictured right) cost more than $660,000 to build. It can carry a pilot and two passengers, and can dive up to 130 feet underwater.

At first, the Necker Nymph will be used to shuttle visitors back and forth from Branson's private island. And it will also be up for rent for $25,000 a week... but only if you agree to rent a luxury catamaran at an additional $88,000 a week.

In the meantime, I continue to try to scrape together enough extra money for a case of beer for this weekend.... and so far, it's not looking promising...

People in B-C are ALSO from a different planet...

There are only a few things that never cease to amaze me... one is the ridiculous studies that people actually get research grants to perform, and the ludicrous conclusions they reach from the results...

...case in point...

Recently, a group of animal psychologists from the University of Victoria wanted to find out how dogs use their tails to communicate with one another.

So they set up a ROBOTIC DOG in a public park and had it wag its tail in several different ways . . . to the left, to the right, and directly in the center. Then they observed as real dogs approached the robot to see if they were hesitant or seemed cautious.

What they found is that overall, 56% of the dogs approached the robot without hesitation when it was wagging its tail to the LEFT.

But when the robot was wagging its tail to the RIGHT, just 21% of the dogs approached it without hesitation.

According to the researchers (apparently under the supervision of their professor, Dr. Who), the study proves that when dogs are at their happiest, they'll wag their tail to the left.

...three questions...

A) Who Cares?...

B) How much of my tax money went toward building the robotic dog?... and, of course,

C) Where do I apply for a job as a researcher?...

-Stack

Celebrities are clearly from a different planet...

Earlier this month, Actor Noah "I'm-not-a-doctor-but-I-play-one-on-T-V" Wyle and his wife Tracy announced they were splitting up. Now we know why. According to the always-reliable "National Enquirer" anyway.

They say Noah had been having a year-long affair with an actress named Tanna Frederick. But then, late last year, he started running around behind his mistress' back with ANOTHER chick.

It's not clear at this point if Noah is still with either (or both) of his two mistresses anymore... but I'm betting that Tiger Woods is setting up a cot for him in sex rehab.

Moving On...

Normally when families lose a cherished pet, it can be quite some time before they're ready to move on and bring in a new member of the family. There are a few reasons for this. Most people feel that, like a widower who begins dating the day after the funeral, it's disrespectful to their recently deceased animal to "replace" it so soon. Many simply need a period of time to grieve and adjust to life without the dearly departed before they can consider ANOTHER big change in bringing in and adjusting to a new addition.

...unfortunately, sometimes there are extenuating circumstances...

As you may know, we lost a dear friend last week (see below). But as close as the HUMAN members of the clan may have been to Bella, she and her fellow equine Stackhouse, Clyde, were inseparable (Bella & Clyde, pictured left as their superhero alter-ego's, SuperBella & Clyderman!) The big guy has been understandably a little lost for the last several days. So, for Clyde's sake, despite the fact that the REST of the family may have ideally wanted a little extra time, and thanks to the same source that gave us Bella, we will soon have a new addition to the family.

Dusty(right) is a 5 year old standardbred. He retired early from a career at EPR (quite possibly due to an apparent case of acute laziness... a quality far more appreciated in a pleasure horse than in a racer!) Dusty has had folks sit on him bareback, but isn't broke to saddle yet, which puts him at ROUGHLY the same spot Clyde was at when we got him at 5 years old.

As I stated before, Bella could never be replaced, and will ALWAYS be missed, but the arrival of Dusty will start a new chapter for us all, if perhaps a little sooner than we expected.

-Stack