ADAM SANDLER'S production company is trying to turn a YouTube video into a feature film. The video shows pixilated characters from old video games attacking New York City and taking over the world... enjoy...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Some "Carnac" Jokes for you this morning...
The Answer: A recovery and awful music.
The Question: Name two things Bret Michaels is going to make.
The Answer: Jay Leno at the White House Correspondents' Dinner and whoever tried to set off that explosion in Times Square.
The Question: Name someone who bombed over the weekend, and someone who didn't.
The Answer: The Times Square bomb and Steven Seagal.
The Question: Name two things described as "crude."
The Answer: A West Virginia mine and Paris Hilton.
The Question: Name two things that are risky to be in without proper protection.
The Answer: 15 pounds and his trousers.
The Question: Name two things Bill Clinton will drop before Chelsea's wedding.
The Answer: ICU.
The Question: Where do Eskimos go to college?
The Question: Name two things Bret Michaels is going to make.
The Answer: Jay Leno at the White House Correspondents' Dinner and whoever tried to set off that explosion in Times Square.
The Question: Name someone who bombed over the weekend, and someone who didn't.
The Answer: The Times Square bomb and Steven Seagal.
The Question: Name two things described as "crude."
The Answer: A West Virginia mine and Paris Hilton.
The Question: Name two things that are risky to be in without proper protection.
The Answer: 15 pounds and his trousers.
The Question: Name two things Bill Clinton will drop before Chelsea's wedding.
The Answer: ICU.
The Question: Where do Eskimos go to college?
Friday, April 23, 2010
THIS is why Terrorism happens... because it WORKS!
The reason that terrorists "terrorize" is to create fear in the societies of their victims (hence the "terror" part!!) When we give in to that fear and change the way we do things, the terrorists have accomplished their goal. Case in point...
If you caught Wednesday's episode of "South Park", you probably noticed all the bleeps that were installed to censor the word "Muhammad." Comedy Central made the decision just prior to airing the episode, after receiving a "warning" from a radical Muslim group based in Brooklyn. The group had posted a message on
their website saying, quote, "what [creators TREY PARKER and MATT STONE] are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show." (Van Gogh was a Dutch filmmaker who was murdered six years ago for questioning Islam's views of women.)
It continued, quote, "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Parker and Stone were not cool with the censorship . . . and probably don't care if they offend anyone, since they've never had a problem offending ANYONE of any political, racial or religious denomination.In a message posted on their SouthParkStudios site, Parker and Stone sound annoyed with Comedy Central's decision.
It reads, quote, "In the 14 years we've been doing 'South Park' we have never done a show that we couldn't stand behind. We delivered our version of the show to Comedy Central and they made a determination to alter the episode. It wasn't some meta-joke on our part. Comedy Central added the bleeps. In fact, Kyle's customary final speech was about intimidation and fear. It didn't mention Muhammad at all but it got bleeped too. We'll be back next week with a whole new show about something completely different and we'll see what happens to it."
In a separate statement, they added, quote, "We do not have network approval to stream our original version of the show. We will bring you a version of [the episode] as soon as we can."
A Comedy Central spokesperson confirmed that it was the network's decision to censor the episode . . . but beyond that, there's been no further comment.
If you caught Wednesday's episode of "South Park", you probably noticed all the bleeps that were installed to censor the word "Muhammad." Comedy Central made the decision just prior to airing the episode, after receiving a "warning" from a radical Muslim group based in Brooklyn. The group had posted a message on
their website saying, quote, "what [creators TREY PARKER and MATT STONE] are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show." (Van Gogh was a Dutch filmmaker who was murdered six years ago for questioning Islam's views of women.)It continued, quote, "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Parker and Stone were not cool with the censorship . . . and probably don't care if they offend anyone, since they've never had a problem offending ANYONE of any political, racial or religious denomination.In a message posted on their SouthParkStudios site, Parker and Stone sound annoyed with Comedy Central's decision.
It reads, quote, "In the 14 years we've been doing 'South Park' we have never done a show that we couldn't stand behind. We delivered our version of the show to Comedy Central and they made a determination to alter the episode. It wasn't some meta-joke on our part. Comedy Central added the bleeps. In fact, Kyle's customary final speech was about intimidation and fear. It didn't mention Muhammad at all but it got bleeped too. We'll be back next week with a whole new show about something completely different and we'll see what happens to it."
In a separate statement, they added, quote, "We do not have network approval to stream our original version of the show. We will bring you a version of [the episode] as soon as we can."
A Comedy Central spokesperson confirmed that it was the network's decision to censor the episode . . . but beyond that, there's been no further comment.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
THIS is what happened to the art of conversation...
According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, TEXT MESSAGING has officially taken over as the most popular form of communication for teens... more popular than phone calls, instant messaging, and even talking face-to-face.
Overall, teen girls between the ages of 12 and 17 send an average of 80 texts a day, while boys send an average of 30 texts a day. And ONE in THREE teens sends more than 100 texts a day on average. In fact, texting has become such a part of their lives that 87% of teens even sleep with their phone.
By the way... in case you forgot or you just don't care, researchers at Virginia Tech University found last year that drivers who text while driving are 23 times more likely to crash than those who aren't distracted. And another study from "Car and Driver" magazine found that when drivers text at the wheel, their reaction times are slowed by 35%. But, when drivers are high, their reaction times are slowed by "just" 21%. And when they're at the legal blood-alcohol limit of 0.08, their reaction times are slowed by 12%.
In other words, driving while texting is actually more dangerous than driving while baked, and it's nearly three times more dangerous than driving with a little alcohol buzz.
Overall, teen girls between the ages of 12 and 17 send an average of 80 texts a day, while boys send an average of 30 texts a day. And ONE in THREE teens sends more than 100 texts a day on average. In fact, texting has become such a part of their lives that 87% of teens even sleep with their phone.
By the way... in case you forgot or you just don't care, researchers at Virginia Tech University found last year that drivers who text while driving are 23 times more likely to crash than those who aren't distracted. And another study from "Car and Driver" magazine found that when drivers text at the wheel, their reaction times are slowed by 35%. But, when drivers are high, their reaction times are slowed by "just" 21%. And when they're at the legal blood-alcohol limit of 0.08, their reaction times are slowed by 12%.
In other words, driving while texting is actually more dangerous than driving while baked, and it's nearly three times more dangerous than driving with a little alcohol buzz.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Deep down, you just KNEW this was the case, didn't you?
We always kinda knew those quiet smart chicks were secretly FREAKY, but HERE'S the PROOF!!! In 1992, a guy named Will Manley conducted a tongue-in-cheek survey about 
LIBRARIANS and SEX for a trade magazine called the "Wilson Library Bulletin". He randomly posted the survey on his blog two Sundays ago, and it's been popping up all over the Internet ever since. Here's what it found... (and remember, this was 1992... nearly 20 years ago...)
--51% of librarians say they'd have posed nude for money.
--61% admitted they'd rented an X-rated movie.
--63% had sex in a car.
--91% had read "The Joy of Sex".
--And overall, ONE in FIVE librarians admitted they'd done the nasty between the stacks...
....there's a "book worm" joke there somewhere...
LIBRARIANS and SEX for a trade magazine called the "Wilson Library Bulletin". He randomly posted the survey on his blog two Sundays ago, and it's been popping up all over the Internet ever since. Here's what it found... (and remember, this was 1992... nearly 20 years ago...)--51% of librarians say they'd have posed nude for money.
--61% admitted they'd rented an X-rated movie.
--63% had sex in a car.
--91% had read "The Joy of Sex".
--And overall, ONE in FIVE librarians admitted they'd done the nasty between the stacks...
....there's a "book worm" joke there somewhere...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
How to become an "Expert"...
In this media-rich society we live in, it's easy enough to set yourself up as an expert on just about anything... all you have to do is say you are, give an opinion on the subject, and maybe write a book.... case in point....
Elizabeth Semmelhack is the author of a book called "Heights of Fashion: A History of the Elevated Shoe", and, accordingly, is something of an "expert" in "fashionomics". In her book, she points out that during economic recessions, women tend to wear HIGHER HEELS.
According to Elizabeth, it happened during the Great Depression, during the oil crisis of the 1970s and after the dot-com bubble burst in 2000. And she says the same thing is happening right now. Or as Elizabeth puts it, quote, "We have entered a moment of heightened impracticality in footwear."
So you know, it's not entirely clear why recessions seem to cause women to wear higher heels. But Elizabeth thinks it's due to, quote, "a greater need for escapism."
So, to recap... to become an "expert", just go ahead and make s**t up... if it sounds like it has ANY logical merit whatsoever (or not), you're good to go...
Elizabeth Semmelhack is the author of a book called "Heights of Fashion: A History of the Elevated Shoe", and, accordingly, is something of an "expert" in "fashionomics". In her book, she points out that during economic recessions, women tend to wear HIGHER HEELS.
According to Elizabeth, it happened during the Great Depression, during the oil crisis of the 1970s and after the dot-com bubble burst in 2000. And she says the same thing is happening right now. Or as Elizabeth puts it, quote, "We have entered a moment of heightened impracticality in footwear."
So you know, it's not entirely clear why recessions seem to cause women to wear higher heels. But Elizabeth thinks it's due to, quote, "a greater need for escapism."
So, to recap... to become an "expert", just go ahead and make s**t up... if it sounds like it has ANY logical merit whatsoever (or not), you're good to go...
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fun with Foreign Crime...
I have TWO interesting crime stories for you this morning...
STORY #1...
The data for this first story comes from Australia, and I have no idea if the results would be similar here. But it'd be interesting to find out.
According to the New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, there's nearly SIX TIMES more crime in churches and other "places of worship" there than in their strip clubs, brothels, and casinos.
In 2008, 1,600 people were charged with committing 27 different types of crimes . . . including assault, sexual assault, robbery, and drug possession . . . in Australia's places of worship. Meanwhile, in strip clubs and other adult entertainment venues, just 282 people were charged with crimes.
According to a government spokesman, "Most people would think of churches and synagogues as sanctuaries in society. But maybe that's naive, because the statistics show they are likely to rob, assault or steal from people there like anywhere else. The figures are genuinely surprising."
STORY #2...
We all know 'The Man' is evil. But even so, the next time you find yourself complaining about the government, I want you to stop and think about this: In China, you can get up to five years in prison for having GROUP SEX.
I'm not making this up. Group sex was officially banned in 1997, and it's defined as consensual sex between three or more adults. That means it even includes threesomes. I bring it up because last August, police in southern China busted a swingers club in the middle of an orgy. 22 people were arrested, and now they're all looking at serious prison time. A 53-year-old guy named Ma started the club. And he admits the people there met regularly to exchange bodily fluids. But now... curiously... he sees the error of his ways.
Ma NOW says, "I can be educated and change my ways, but those who refuse to fix their behavior despite repeated admonition should be severely punished." The case goes to trial tomorrow.
STORY #1...
The data for this first story comes from Australia, and I have no idea if the results would be similar here. But it'd be interesting to find out.
According to the New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, there's nearly SIX TIMES more crime in churches and other "places of worship" there than in their strip clubs, brothels, and casinos.
In 2008, 1,600 people were charged with committing 27 different types of crimes . . . including assault, sexual assault, robbery, and drug possession . . . in Australia's places of worship. Meanwhile, in strip clubs and other adult entertainment venues, just 282 people were charged with crimes.
According to a government spokesman, "Most people would think of churches and synagogues as sanctuaries in society. But maybe that's naive, because the statistics show they are likely to rob, assault or steal from people there like anywhere else. The figures are genuinely surprising."
STORY #2...
We all know 'The Man' is evil. But even so, the next time you find yourself complaining about the government, I want you to stop and think about this: In China, you can get up to five years in prison for having GROUP SEX.
I'm not making this up. Group sex was officially banned in 1997, and it's defined as consensual sex between three or more adults. That means it even includes threesomes. I bring it up because last August, police in southern China busted a swingers club in the middle of an orgy. 22 people were arrested, and now they're all looking at serious prison time. A 53-year-old guy named Ma started the club. And he admits the people there met regularly to exchange bodily fluids. But now... curiously... he sees the error of his ways.
Ma NOW says, "I can be educated and change my ways, but those who refuse to fix their behavior despite repeated admonition should be severely punished." The case goes to trial tomorrow.
Monday, April 12, 2010
One for Ms Taylor...
Elizabeth Taylor announced that she's getting married for the NINTH time. And though we're sure this one's a keeper, in her honor we present today's list of the...
TOP 5 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED WAY TOO MANY TIMES...
#5 --All of your exes can fill up Texas.
#4 --Your towels are marked "His" and "Whoever's."
#3 --You have the words "Yes, Dear" tattooed on your forehead.
#2 -- Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Tiki Barber have all questioned your respect for the institution.
And the NUMBER ONE sign you've been married WAYYY too many times?...
Your name's Jim, and your divorce lawyer's yacht is called the "S.S. Thanks, Jim!"
TOP 5 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED WAY TOO MANY TIMES...
#5 --All of your exes can fill up Texas.
#4 --Your towels are marked "His" and "Whoever's."
#3 --You have the words "Yes, Dear" tattooed on your forehead.
#2 -- Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Tiki Barber have all questioned your respect for the institution.
And the NUMBER ONE sign you've been married WAYYY too many times?...
Your name's Jim, and your divorce lawyer's yacht is called the "S.S. Thanks, Jim!"
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
LOVE this guy....
Maricopa County, Arizona, is one of the most populated counties in the U.S. It includes Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale. And depending who you ask, Sheriff Joe Arpaio is either the best thing or the worst thing ever to happen to it.
You may have heard of Sheriff Joe before. In 1993, he opened a prison where all the inmates are forced to live in tents. He's also been in the news for making prisoners wear pink underwear. It's demeaning, and it keeps them from trying to steal it when they get out. And just last December, six inmates filed lawsuits against Sheriff Joe for piping holiday music through the jail loudspeakers 12 hours a day.
Anyway, Sheriff Joe unveiled his latest tactic in the fight on crime at a women's prison last week; it's something he calls "Pedal Vision." Basically, Sheriff Joe decided too many inmates were
overweight. So now if they want to watch TV, they have to pedal a stationary bike to power it. The bike generates 12 volts of electricity, and an hour of pedaling equals an hour of TV viewing. (You'll notice in the picture, Sheriff Joe ALSO makes the inmates wear the old-school STRIPES!!! is there NO END to this man's SHEER AWESOMENESS?!?!)
Sheriff Joe says, quote, "We're going to do the best we can in our jail system to help the inmates lose weight, and at the same time, give them the luxury of watching whatever they want to watch on television."
LOVE this guy... unfortunately, if he were in Canada, Jack Layton would be trying to have him fired for some sort of violation of the prisoners' human rights...
You may have heard of Sheriff Joe before. In 1993, he opened a prison where all the inmates are forced to live in tents. He's also been in the news for making prisoners wear pink underwear. It's demeaning, and it keeps them from trying to steal it when they get out. And just last December, six inmates filed lawsuits against Sheriff Joe for piping holiday music through the jail loudspeakers 12 hours a day.
Anyway, Sheriff Joe unveiled his latest tactic in the fight on crime at a women's prison last week; it's something he calls "Pedal Vision." Basically, Sheriff Joe decided too many inmates were
overweight. So now if they want to watch TV, they have to pedal a stationary bike to power it. The bike generates 12 volts of electricity, and an hour of pedaling equals an hour of TV viewing. (You'll notice in the picture, Sheriff Joe ALSO makes the inmates wear the old-school STRIPES!!! is there NO END to this man's SHEER AWESOMENESS?!?!)Sheriff Joe says, quote, "We're going to do the best we can in our jail system to help the inmates lose weight, and at the same time, give them the luxury of watching whatever they want to watch on television."
LOVE this guy... unfortunately, if he were in Canada, Jack Layton would be trying to have him fired for some sort of violation of the prisoners' human rights...
Monday, April 5, 2010
AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA...
AAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA Axl Rose... hehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! HAHAHAHA... HEHEHEHEHEHEHE... you wiped out.... HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! hehe.. he...
...well, at least he did laugh it off, as opposed to get all pissy and walk offstage like I would have expected him to...
...well, at least he did laugh it off, as opposed to get all pissy and walk offstage like I would have expected him to...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Daddy's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Skank-Bags...
Yesterday, the "New York Post" ran a hard-hitting story about this year's most popular prom dress fashions. According to the article, the hot new look is something called "slutty chic." It means pretty much what you think: Dresses that show lots of cleavage, are super short, skin-tight, and maybe leopard print. --The writer for the "Post" describes it as, quote, "dressing like an extra from MTV's 'Jersey Shore'." That's pretty dead-on, if you take THESE as examples...
Believe me, guys... I'm not trying to make this Dad thing any more stressful than it already is... I just thought you should know what you got yourself into when you agreed to take your daughter shopping for her prom dress... tougher and tougher being a Dad nowadays...
Believe me, guys... I'm not trying to make this Dad thing any more stressful than it already is... I just thought you should know what you got yourself into when you agreed to take your daughter shopping for her prom dress... tougher and tougher being a Dad nowadays...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
But Honey, It Was The Magnets... HONEST...
In this month's issue of a journal called "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences", researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology claim to have discovered the brain's "moral compass." It's in an area called the right temporoparietal 
junction . . . just beneath the surface of the brain, behind the right ear . . . and it controls how we judge other people's behavior. But that's not all . . .
According to the researchers, a person's morality center can be manipulated with powerful magnets, disrupting their normal brain activity and making them temporarily LESS MORAL.
For example, in one study, test subjects were asked how they'd feel if a man allowed his girlfriend to cross a bridge he knew was unsafe. Normally, subjects rated the man's behavior as unacceptable. But after getting the magnetic pulse, they saw nothing wrong with the guy's behavior because the woman didn't get hurt. That was basically the study's main finding: After being subjected to the magnetic pulse, NOTHING was rated as morally unacceptable, as long as things ended well.
A woman named Dr. Liane Young led the study. She says, quote, "You think of morality as being a really high-level behavior. To be able to apply a magnetic field to a specific brain region and change people's moral judgments is really astonishing." In other words, no matter how good a person you think you are, your brain can be manipulated with just a few stupid magnets to make you a total jerk.
...so, honey... next time I act like an ASS, I'm blaming all those magnets you put on the fridge...
junction . . . just beneath the surface of the brain, behind the right ear . . . and it controls how we judge other people's behavior. But that's not all . . .According to the researchers, a person's morality center can be manipulated with powerful magnets, disrupting their normal brain activity and making them temporarily LESS MORAL.
For example, in one study, test subjects were asked how they'd feel if a man allowed his girlfriend to cross a bridge he knew was unsafe. Normally, subjects rated the man's behavior as unacceptable. But after getting the magnetic pulse, they saw nothing wrong with the guy's behavior because the woman didn't get hurt. That was basically the study's main finding: After being subjected to the magnetic pulse, NOTHING was rated as morally unacceptable, as long as things ended well.
A woman named Dr. Liane Young led the study. She says, quote, "You think of morality as being a really high-level behavior. To be able to apply a magnetic field to a specific brain region and change people's moral judgments is really astonishing." In other words, no matter how good a person you think you are, your brain can be manipulated with just a few stupid magnets to make you a total jerk.
...so, honey... next time I act like an ASS, I'm blaming all those magnets you put on the fridge...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Would YOU go this far... SHOULD YOU?
It's time to play "Hero or Anti-Hero".... the subject?... an unidentified 14-year-old boy from Winnipeg. Here's the story...
Early Saturday morning, the boy got into an argument with his unidentified 31-year-old mother. Apparently she'd been up all night getting hammered, which was fine... until she grabbed the car keys and tried to DRIVE DRUNK. The boy didn't want his mom to get behind the wheel, so as she was running out the door with her car keys, he grabbed a KNIFE, threw it at her, and hit her in the back.
The woman was rushed to the hospital, where she's in stable condition. And the boy was arrested and charged with aggravated assault. He's being held at a youth detention facility. According to a police spokesman, quote, "He took the car keys from her and the dispute started . . . She had been drinking and she wanted to drive, and he didn't want to let her. It started out he tried to protect her, but in the end injured her."
Okay, He DID go a little over the line, but this kid just MAY just have saved his IDIOT mother from KILLING herself, or, worse yet, killing some innocent person. Would the authorities have preferred he allow her to hit the road in the state she was in?!... Or did he go TOO far?... should he have let her go and called the cops to let THEM deal with it?
Discuss...
Early Saturday morning, the boy got into an argument with his unidentified 31-year-old mother. Apparently she'd been up all night getting hammered, which was fine... until she grabbed the car keys and tried to DRIVE DRUNK. The boy didn't want his mom to get behind the wheel, so as she was running out the door with her car keys, he grabbed a KNIFE, threw it at her, and hit her in the back.
The woman was rushed to the hospital, where she's in stable condition. And the boy was arrested and charged with aggravated assault. He's being held at a youth detention facility. According to a police spokesman, quote, "He took the car keys from her and the dispute started . . . She had been drinking and she wanted to drive, and he didn't want to let her. It started out he tried to protect her, but in the end injured her."
Okay, He DID go a little over the line, but this kid just MAY just have saved his IDIOT mother from KILLING herself, or, worse yet, killing some innocent person. Would the authorities have preferred he allow her to hit the road in the state she was in?!... Or did he go TOO far?... should he have let her go and called the cops to let THEM deal with it?
Discuss...
Monday, March 29, 2010
WANTED: Nerds with Money...
Dating coaches are nothing new. They're the guys who claim to be experts on relationships and women, and make a living coaching loser dudes in the art of picking up chicks. It was the subject of the Will Smith chick-flick "Hitch", and there even used to be a show about a dating doctor on VH1 called "The Pickup Artist".
Well, Dr. Paul Dobransky is a psychologist and self-proclaimed relationship expert from New York City. He runs a series of weekend retreats for men called the "Omega Male Boot Camp." The idea is to help guys WRANGLE CHICKS by, quote, "transforming their masculinity" and helping them "Become more POWERFUL and ATTRACTIVE"... whatever that means. Dr. Paul's seminars focus on every aspect of a relationship... from the pick-up to the possibility of marriage. And they even include a night out at the bars with Dr. Paul himself. Check out the website HERE..
And all it will cost you to take one of Dr. Paul's weekend "Omega Male Boot Camp" seminars is... $1,800.00... U-S...
I'm thinking that if, deep down in your heart, you REALLY feel that you, personally, could use this service, maybe you can trade in a few video games or sell one of your seven computers to help pay for it...
Well, Dr. Paul Dobransky is a psychologist and self-proclaimed relationship expert from New York City. He runs a series of weekend retreats for men called the "Omega Male Boot Camp." The idea is to help guys WRANGLE CHICKS by, quote, "transforming their masculinity" and helping them "Become more POWERFUL and ATTRACTIVE"... whatever that means. Dr. Paul's seminars focus on every aspect of a relationship... from the pick-up to the possibility of marriage. And they even include a night out at the bars with Dr. Paul himself. Check out the website HERE..
And all it will cost you to take one of Dr. Paul's weekend "Omega Male Boot Camp" seminars is... $1,800.00... U-S...
I'm thinking that if, deep down in your heart, you REALLY feel that you, personally, could use this service, maybe you can trade in a few video games or sell one of your seven computers to help pay for it...
Friday, March 26, 2010
NEW SLASH TRACK, with Duff & Dave Grohl!!
Slash will be releasing his upcoming solo album, Slash, on April 6th. The instrumental track called 'Watch This' features Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) and bandmate Duff McKagan (Velvet Revolver, ex-Guns N' Roses) is available for free download HERE!! --->Thursday, March 25, 2010
LAST WARNING... if you fear flying, DO NOT READ THIS!
I've always taken it for granted that when I fly, the PILOT wants the same thing I do: A nice, safe flight that's totally free of death and destruction. But I won't anymore. Not after hearing THIS . . .
Bryan Griffin (...no... not the DOG-From-Family-Guy "Bryan Griffin") is a former pilot for Qantas Airlines. Recently, he won $145,000 in a lawsuit against the airline. It had to do with a certain compulsion Bryan felt when he was flying. See, Bryan's been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. And for about three years, every time Bryan would fly, he'd start to feel the overwhelming urge to CRASH THE PLANE. Bryan says that things sometimes got so bad, he'd have to leave the cockpit until he calmed down. And on one flight, he had to immobilize his arm because his hand, quote, "involuntarily moved towards the start levers" to kill the plane's engines in mid-air.
According to Bryan, Qantas knew about his compulsion all along. Yet they continued to let him fly, which only made things worse. Qantas is considering an appeal.
...Oh, COME ON! Now, not only do we have to worry about terrorists blowing up planes, or DRUNK pilots trying to land them through an alcoholic haze, we've got to worry about MENTALLY ILL pilots feeling compelled to CRASH THEM!?! Forget it... I'm never flying again... and I DID warn you!!
Bryan Griffin (...no... not the DOG-From-Family-Guy "Bryan Griffin") is a former pilot for Qantas Airlines. Recently, he won $145,000 in a lawsuit against the airline. It had to do with a certain compulsion Bryan felt when he was flying. See, Bryan's been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. And for about three years, every time Bryan would fly, he'd start to feel the overwhelming urge to CRASH THE PLANE. Bryan says that things sometimes got so bad, he'd have to leave the cockpit until he calmed down. And on one flight, he had to immobilize his arm because his hand, quote, "involuntarily moved towards the start levers" to kill the plane's engines in mid-air.
According to Bryan, Qantas knew about his compulsion all along. Yet they continued to let him fly, which only made things worse. Qantas is considering an appeal.
...Oh, COME ON! Now, not only do we have to worry about terrorists blowing up planes, or DRUNK pilots trying to land them through an alcoholic haze, we've got to worry about MENTALLY ILL pilots feeling compelled to CRASH THEM!?! Forget it... I'm never flying again... and I DID warn you!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
No Further Comment Needed...
Meet 24-year-old Danielle Vincely of Portsmouth, England. According to the always-reliable British rag "News of the World", Danielle has an unusual phobia that prevents her from ever having sex INDOORS. Danielle says, quote, "Guys love it at first. They think it's kinky making love under the stars in the woods, on beaches, park benches and car bonnets. But after a while they get annoyed, especially if it's raining, and dump me."Men like a quick romp inside on the bed, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's not like I haven't tried. I just can't do it indoors without freaking out. I feel like I'm being choked and about to pass out. I know people think I'm weird, but I've given up caring. Some people are scared of spiders, others of heights; well, this is my phobia and I'm learning to deal with it the best I can."
For the record, doctors say Danielle's phobia could probably be controlled using antidepressants. But she says she'd "...rather keep on having sex outside than become dependent on drugs."
....good choice, Danielle..... good choice....
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Cartman was RIGHT!!!
If you aren't a cynical bastard like me, you might think that the people who say they love the planet love other people even more. Otherwise, why would they care about the environment so much? But a new study confirms what I'VE always maintained... that people who CLAIM to be environmentally-friendly are really a bunch of self-serving d-bags (well, okay, maybe that is a BIT harsh...)
Researchers from the University of Toronto set up a series of tests to compare the behavior of environmentally-conscious people against the behavior of people who are less "crunchy." What they found is that people who buy "green" products are more likely to LIE and CHEAT, and are six times more likely to STEAL, than people who are less environmentally conscious. And in general, they're MEANER overall.
According to the researchers, it has to do with something called "moral balancing." The idea is that since "green" consumers have done so much to help the planet, they think they've built up so much goodwill that they're ALLOWED to be jerks. Or as the researchers put it, quote, "Virtuous acts can license subsequent asocial and unethical behaviors."
In other words, as Eric Cartman and I would have told you all along: Never trust a tree-hugging hippie!!!!
Researchers from the University of Toronto set up a series of tests to compare the behavior of environmentally-conscious people against the behavior of people who are less "crunchy." What they found is that people who buy "green" products are more likely to LIE and CHEAT, and are six times more likely to STEAL, than people who are less environmentally conscious. And in general, they're MEANER overall.
According to the researchers, it has to do with something called "moral balancing." The idea is that since "green" consumers have done so much to help the planet, they think they've built up so much goodwill that they're ALLOWED to be jerks. Or as the researchers put it, quote, "Virtuous acts can license subsequent asocial and unethical behaviors."
In other words, as Eric Cartman and I would have told you all along: Never trust a tree-hugging hippie!!!!
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